Vegetables, Rollerskating and Dave the Laugh
by Trampy Mouse
Summary: Set after '...then he ate my boy entrancers' but with a few more laughs if you know what I mean. Georgia tries to gird her loins for the last time and put red bottomosity aside...but can she do it even when the tables have finally turned? Complete
1. Rollerskating, Herr Kamyer Style

**I don't any of the characters, blablabla.**** Don't worry, for those with rudey-dudey minds I don't want to write anything that goes above a 7/8 on the snogging scale. **

**Chapter 1- Rollerskating Herr Kamyer Style**

**Saturday, June 18****th**

_**8.05am**_

What is it with my bed? I tell you what it is…its MINE that's what it is.

Libby and her 'fwends' are 'snogglin' in my bed. Our Transvestite Lord Sandra has been re-adopted and is wearing an alarming amount of fake tan.

"Libby, this is my bed," I moaned whilst being stabbed by Scuba-diving Barbie's arms. Libby smiled what she though was a sweet smile (which actually made her look like an axe murderer, but I am too full of niciosity to mention it).

"It's a naaa-iiice bed,"

"But it's my bed,"

"I lobe you Gingie,"

Sometimes she can be full of so full of cutiosity.

"I love you to Libby but-"

"Mr. Nonion lobe you,"

Suddenly a stinking onion was thrusted into my face.

"Libby!"

"Bad boy! He's your boyfwend!"

_**1 Minute Later**_

I have an onion as a boyfriend.

_**10.00am**_

Phone Rang.

My dear Vati shouted "Georgia, it's an emergency! One of your friends has broken a nail," and he and Uncle Eddie laughed like loons on loon tablets.

"_Bonsoir_" I answered.

"_Nein, Guten tag," _Rosie answered. The Ace Gang were doing their impression of sardines on a phone i.e. in a telephone box.

"We are _haben ein_ Mad German Roller-skating party, _im der Park,_"

I could hear Sven shouting 'Ya!" in the background or something in Reindeer.

"_Was?_"

"_Gehen _to _der Park mit _your Roller-Skates,"

"And it's German because…?"

"We pretend we are Herr Kamyer on skates,"

_**10minutes later**_

I have decided to wear minimal make up to enhance my natural beauty

(o-er!). So I'm only wearing Foundation, Concealer, Lip gloss (strawberry flavour), a dash of eyeliner and some mascara. And some sparkly green eye shadow to show that I have funosity but not enough to say "I am a tart," Otherwise some Park-Elvis's might hear the Horn…

_**1 minute later**_

Ewww…

_**Gehen **_**to **_**der Park**_

_**Midday**_

Blimey O'reily Trousers. I've fell over about 20 times and I'm not out of the street yet. This roller skating is harder than it looks.

_**Im der Park**_

_**1.00 pm**_

Jas, Ro-ro, Ellen and Sven were waiting for me on a bench.

Sven was wearing lederhosen.

"_Guten Tag" _Ro-ro said.

"_Nein, Guten Morgen," _I said.

"So…er…like…you know…what do we do now?" Dither-Queen Ellen said.

"We _gehen _down _das," _Rosie pointed to a hill.

I thought Ellen would have the Spas attack to end all Spas attacks.

This is the Herr Kamyer bit.

_**5 minutes later**_

Some how I ended up on the hill. If I need to get carted home in a wheel barrow again I may kill myself. Especially if Mum insists we see Dr. Clooney. Still, suicide will end all my luuurve trouble.

_**1 minute later**_

Oh God. Dave the Laugh popped out of nowhere. Ellen manage to top her earlier Spas attack. She still Luuurves him. She has no pridenosity.

Jas doing that annoying look-at-Georgia-look-at-Dave thing. Shut up Big-Knickers.

_**1 minute later**_

At least she has extra bum-padding for when she falls over.

Oh GoddyGodGod.

_**4 minutes later**_

Rosie raced down the hill screaming "Gott im Himmel!!" then bowed at the end. Sven hit his head on a tree as he went down. Jassy-Spazzy tumbled down like a tumbler on tumble tablets.

Ellen stood at the top erring and umming until Dave the Laugh took her roller skates and took a go. It was full of hilariousity watching him fall down the hill in pink roller skates singing 'the hills are alive with the sound of PANTS!"

But now it's my turn

_**5 minute later**_

Owwwie owwie. I'm in aggers. I knew this would happen to me… I must have a watsit- sixth sight. I can't stand because I hurt my back. Owwwie.

_**1 minute later**_

Because my 'friends' are too full of selfosity to stop skating and care and to avoid the inevitable Dr. Clooney visit, Dave the Laugh has said his house is around the corner and I could rest there.

"Or alternatively you could stay the night,"

But I think he was just joking.

_**At Dave the L's House**_

_**1.20pm**_

Dave the Laugh's house is actually quite nice- very sophis and but too fussy. For instance there are these dinky china vases. They wouldn't last five minutes with cross-eyed Gordy around and Angus.

It was very very funny with knobs on seeing Dave in such a tidy place.

_**1.22pm**_

Ah! This is more like it! Dave's bedroom is in absolute chaos. Looks like Angus, Naomi and Cross-eyed Gordy had a cat party in here.

"Kittykat, you can lie on the bed- nothing rudey-dudey about it of course," he smirked, "I'll get some drinks,"

O-er, I better not tell Radio Jas this otherwise I may be accused of red-bottomed minxiness…although any fule can see I'm blatantly, not. I hurt my back!

_**5 minutes later**_

Drinking cola on your stomach is not the most easy thing to do and I ended up with half choking and half drinking through my nose. Not very attractive indeed.

My Back aches like Billy-o. But because I am a sparkling gem and never moan I just said, "Owwie Owwie, my back hurts like Billy-o,"

"You sound like your sixty or something," Dave the Laugh said. Then he went all quiet and just I was thinking, oh no, here comes Dave the Unlaugh when he suddenly said, "Take your top off,"

"What!!" I exclaimed, out of shockonosity. He has a one track mind.

He laughed, he really has a groovy laugh…shutupshutupshutup, I am taking my red-bottom in a firm hand and girding my loins and so forth.

"You have a very rudey-dudey mind, Kittykat," he shook his head in that patronising way Hawk-eye does when I 'annoy' Elvis, "I meant I'm going to give you a massage,"

I just raised my eyebrows and said in a caring way, "Yeah, right"

"My mum does massaging and she taught me…no Gee I'm not on the turn, think of all the girls wanting massages…"

"Cosmic Horn again Dave? It's getting really serious,"

"Do you want the massage or not?"

"Turn around then,"

"We're all friends here,"

"Turn around!"

Dave turned around and I took my top off. I'm glad I remembered to put my over the shoulder-boulder-holder on.

"DAVE!" I yelled when I caught him taking a sneaky peak.

"Okay! Okay!"

I lay on the bed (stomach down obviously) while he went to get massage oils.

_**10 minutes later**_

Hmmm. This really relaxing, Dave is actually quite good at massages. And because I am such a brilliant person full of niciosity I told him so.

"I thought you were lying about you being good at massages,"

"Never trust a gift horse if you don't know what's inside it,"

What in the name of Mr. Next-door over sized shorts is he on about?

"I know all the parts of the foot for reflexology as well,"

He took my sock off my left foot.

"This bits the solar plexus, this toe is connected to the ear,"

"How is my tow connected to my ear?"

"I only give hornmeister advice, not body-answers"

True.

"And this bit, Kittykat, is the most import bit of all," he said poking the centre of my foot, "It is the tickle spot!" and he mercilessly tickled my foot.

"Ahhh Dave Gerrof!" I screamed, kicking him in the face.

"Ouch!" he moaned, rubbing his mouth, "I may need some heavy snogging to make me feel better after that,"

"Not on your Nelly," I said, "More massaging,"

"You've changed your tune," Dave said, resuming the massage, "I may start charging,"

_**5 minutes later**_

I feel reading to pop in for a visit at boboland.

It's making me soooo sleepy.

NO! I must stay awake because sleeping over a Dave's would immediately be on International Radio Jas airwaves.

It's only Dave's occasional sly drifting towards my nunga nungas which is keep my alert…he's going to have so many bruises in the morning.

Phoar, taking a look up at him he is really gorgey…all focused and caring. Why can't I stop chasing Masimo and stop pretending to not hear the call of the Horn from Dave and go out with Dave? Why can't I- ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

**Well what do you think? ****I've tried to get the Georgisms as close as I can to what Louise Rennison writes them so please appreciate the fact I had all the books open at the glossaries around me. Oo**

**Anyone know whether the Angus, Thong & Full frontal Snogging film that is apparently being released this summer is going to be realeased in England?**

**More to come. xx **


	2. A Chavvy Slim, Cappuchinos and Daisies

Thank you for your reviews

**Thank you for your reviews****! I really had trouble starting this chapter…writers block! But I was determined. XD**

**God, Dave is so difficult to write. By the way anything is that is in "that's when it fell of in my hand" (in the ****USA it's "Away laughing on a fast camel) won't be included because that's the only one I haven't read. **

**Chapter 2-A Chavvy Slim, Cappuchinos and Daisies**

_**Sunday, **__**June 19**__**th**_

_**6.15**_

Blimey O'reily's trousers! I was shocked like two shocked things when I woke up with to Dave the Laugh's face and it was attached to his body which was lying next to me. He'd fallen asleep too.

Merde, Vati's going to kill me. Oh well, let him try! I am on the brink of womanhood and I may sleep where I want. We didn't actually do anything; he is so full of suspiciousity.

_**1 minute later**_

Dave looks really cute asleep as in with kiddiosity, I can't believe I used him as a red herring once. He had put a picnic blanket over me because I was on top of the quilt.

_**30 seconds later**_

I wonder whether he sleep-laughs?

_**2 minutes later**_

I was staring at Dave like a staring thing on staring tablets. He is really gorgy; I had another ditherspaz on maybe-we-should-be-together-and-it-give-up-on-Masimo.

"Stop staring at me," he mumbled half asleep, opening his eyes. He stared back at me and I stared at him. I nearly had another nervous twitch. I hate these staring at you staring at me things.

Then he kissed me. Merde! The old kissing scenario had risen again. Just when I'd thought I'd put my red-bottomisity aside and Masimo was my one and only…

But it was marvy, beyond marvy even, like, in the beyond-marvy zone. He did the nip-libbling thing again and I did the neck nuzzling thing back. I should give into the Cosmic Horn and share my kissing talents far and wide. After all, I am a natural according to whelk boy. I should be the travelling Snog-Queen sharing my talents- brain, shutupshutupshutup.

Then he just looked me in the eyes (he's has super dreamy eyes) and then said "I love you," and stood up. I thought he was going to start another Dave the Unlaugh speeches but then he picked something up from the floor.

Then he turned to look at me, and with a grin said "You may want to put this on before I can't control myself," he threw it at me then walked out.

It was my top.

I had taken it off for the massage.

Dave had seen my nunga nungas.

I may have to kill him

_**1 minute later**_

Dave burst back in like a mad bursting thing on mad bursting tablets.

He said, "My mum and dad are downstairs,"

I said as I tried to get rid of bad bed hair in a mirror "And…?"

"They will see you, kittykat,"

"And…?"

"Stop saying that!" he gave me a cheeky slap on the bottom, "They will go ballisiticisimus,"

"Why?"

"You are Sex Kitty; the clue is in the name,"

"Oh,"

_**10 minutes later**_

Me and Dave were sneaking really quietly down the stairs to the front door. It was like we were watsits…burger burglars. Suddenly his mutti came into the front room and saw me.

"Who is that, David!" she said yelled. She was a chav version of our revered headmistress Slim. Honestly.

"Georgia," he answered and carried on down the stairs.

"And what is she doing HERE!" his mutti went all jelloid and Slim like at the end.

"Well there's breathing, moving, I'm not quite sure her brain is ticking-" Dave said with sarcastiosity and opened the door into the porch.

"OI!" I said, indigent.

"Shut up! You slut!" she screamed at me, nice talk.

"You slept with her didn't you!" she accused him. Adults are so suspicious. And hypocrites. Well my parents are. Snogging on the sofa then having a go at me for having boyfriends.

Dave was coolinosity personified, "Yeah," he said, "We used yours and dad's bed, hope you don't mind, it's just that bit bigger, you see, oh, and the bath after was quite fun, wasn't it Gee?"

I nearly choked laughing.

Unfortunately, Dave's mum didn't find it funny. She had the mother of all Nervy Bs and I thought she might have had to go to casualty.

We ran for it

_**5 minutes later**_

A few streets down me and Dave had a spontaneous laughing fit (quickly followed by a trip up to number 5 on the Snogging Scale.

I said, with as much sympathiosity as two sympathetic things in sympathy land, "Your mutti is going to kill you when you go home,"

The he produced a red nose out of his pocket, "Even though you treat me so bad you can have this as part of my will,"

"Dave, do you really love me?"

"Let's go do coffee and croissants," he said, avoiding the question, "I know this French café, my treat to my Sex Kitty,"

_**10 minutes later**_

I had a cappuccino. I still don't get them, but every one has them- well Dave doesn't. He had a strong black coffee- blowyourheadoffachino. He said it was more manly as he was no homosexual like a certain Italian Stallion. He is so short sighted, if the Italian men like handbags so be it, leave their ermm…italianosity alone!

We shared a croissant (O-er) because Dave said he was skint. After I saw him receive his change from a twenty pound note. Cheeky cat.

**_1 minute later_**

Dave was just nearly killed by his coffee. I thought I may need to perform the Heimlich maneuvore because he was choking so bad. But as I said to him, there is no-one to blame but himself, and that is the poonosity of life.

**_3 minutes later_**

He started this thing when we took it in turns to feed each other with the croissant. It was quite funny but nice at the same time. He pretended we were on a french version of an italian movie where you feed eachother. He said "In the films they always kiss at the end so I want to see my Kittykat puckered up and ready at the end,". He is such a flirt

Then Wet Lindsay, stick insect extraordinaire walked in with ADM following her like a sad shadow. Which she is.

ADM said "How did it go with Mas the other night,"

Lindsay said (flicking her hair at Dave in what she supposed with an attractive way) "The usual, he says that he doesn't want to get serious but, well you know the Italians,"

I could kill her.

Then Dave poked me in the eye with the croissant.

Ouch.

He smirked and said, "Well I was waving it front of your face and you were too busy staring at…oh,"

Yes, Oh.

_**I minute later**_

Ouchy Ouch. Croissants in the eye hurt! Dave may need killing.

_**30 seconds later**_

Or I could persuade him to give me an eye massage. ShutupShutupShutup

_**Sitting in the park**_

_**5 minutes later**_

There is an aroma of madnosity in the park and a lot of roller skate tracks.

That is how much my so-called 'friends' care about me.

They carried on without me.

I was telling Dave about Masimo and the one-and-only fandango.

I said, "So he was like, this is a big thing, caro, I will let you know in a week, but obviously he said it in a cute pizza-a-gogo land accent,"

"So you left you in a 'does he like me or doesn't he like me thing'?"

"Oui,"

"In a he loves me, he loves me not,"

"Oui, Oui thrice Oui!"

"Come with me then," and he took my hand and took me onto the grass.

I said "I'm not sitting down there; I'll get my bum wet,"

And he said, "And of course I wouldn't want to extinguish that red bottom," and he put his coat on the floor.

**1 minute later**

Did you ever do that "he loves me, he loves me not" with daisies, tearing one petal off at a time? Well that was Dave's 'brilliant' plan to find out the truth.

"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, merde,"

If I had to try another billion daisies I would, were they rigged to come out as 'he loves me not'?

Dave's doing it as well.

I asked him "How's yours going?"

He said, "I don't know. They keep coming out with 'she loves me' but I don't think she does,"

"Who is it?"

"I think it's more of a case of she's got bigger fish to fry but she likes knowing she's got a soft landing to fall on if she comes back down,"

"Wow! Did the flowers tell you that? How'd you know?"

Then he looked really pointedly at me. Like a big pointedly looking at you thing.

Like I supposed to know who he was talking about.

Ellen? Rachel?

Then I realised.

He meant me.

Welcome back, Dave the Unlaugh.

**Thanks for your reviews so far! I'll update again as soon as possible. But I don't now how long that'll be because I have the dreaded Art Mock 5 hr exam so I've got loads of prep work to do. Merde. Then more mocks. BBC bitesize here I come…(not). **

**There's an vair vair interesting snippet of my life! Heh. **

**Oo**


	3. Back in the Bakery of Pain

**Well that**** Prep work didn't take too long (I'm doing the story of the Ugly Duckling in Aboriginal Dreaming Style). I've only got about 20 billion dots left to do. I am actually ENJOYING writing this fanfiction- touch wood, : )**

**_

* * *

_**

Chapter 3-Back in the Bakery of Pain

_8.00am_

Dave walked me to the end of my street. It was really awkward as we walked back, one of those silences that make you want to scream "BLOODY TALK".

I was on the edge of a F.T. when he said, "Well, TTFN, my Kittykat of first water, remember to drop in at Dave's Massages any time and free massages for my favourite customer," And he kissed me on the cheek and walked off.

_**5 minutes later**_

I was expecting to be roasted on a spit and eaten when I got in. I was just sneaking up into my room when Mutti (up for once) saw me.

I thought I was dead.

Though that will save me from the moment of humiliation next Friday.

She said "Had a nice time at Jas's?"

I nearly burst out laughing with reliefinosity.

I said, "Yes, err…it was dandy, err…as dandy as two dandy things in dandy land,"

"But next time can you tell us before you leave? Rather than get Jas to do it at 10.00 at night?"

Have I walked through into a parallel universe where Dave is serious, Jas is a good mate and Mutti cares about me?

"Okay,"

I may need to phone Jas and tell her she is my bestest pally.

_**1 minute later**_

Can't be bothered

_**In the bed of pain**_

_**10 minutes later**_

Why did I have to ask Masimo to be my one and only? I tell you why, two fools who shall not be named told me to be myself. Two fools have ruined my life.

I feel a bit on the homicidal side.

_**1 minute later**_

I now must be forced to either be a lesbian or a nun. Or a teacher.

_**2 minute later**_

Maybe Hawk eye was once a fun loving girl like me whose evil parents and friends ruined her life and drained the funosity from her. I will look to her with less hate in future.

_**1 minute later**_

I think I may need to rent a tent in the cake shop of pain been as I visit so often

_**1 minute later**_

What did Dave mean I've got bigger fish to fry?

_**30 seconds later**_

And the 'she doesn't love me' thing. How I meant to tell him how I feel when I don't know myself?

_**11.25am**_

Jas phoned.

I said, "Hello, Agony head quarters,"

Jas said, "Bonsoir,"

There was this long silence. What is it with these silences?

Jas said, "Well?"

"Well what moi petite chummy,"

"Aren't you going to thank me?"

"For what?"

"For telling your mum you were at mine when you were doing God knows what with Dave the Laugh!"

She is vair irritable.

"…What WERE you doing with Dave the Laugh anyway?"

I put the phone down on her.

That will teach her for intruding into my private life.

_**3.00pm**_

Uncle Eddie came round in his prehistoric motorbikes. He was wearing the most ridiculous tie-dye green top. As I said to mum, is it really necessary?

Libby treated them to her new favourite song that she learned in Nursery.

"Lipple Miss Moppet,

Sag on a toffee,

Eating her curls and wee"

Do I really need to continue?

_**5 minutes later**_

Uncle Eddie came in my room with Vati. To look at me, in my bed of pain. Just looking at me. Then Vati said, "You'll get obese sleeping all day," and left.

Fat Chance (get it?) of getting obese in this house. When I last dared venture downstairs for food all I found was an empty bottle of wine. No wonder my elbows stick out so much.

_**1 minute later**_

Maybe Masimo will say 'no' because of my sticky out elbows. What is 'no' in Italian?

_**30 seconds later**_

In my Italian for complete fools book it says no in Italian is no. What a brilliant thing to waste thirty seconds of my life looking up.

What are elbows?

_**2 minutes later**_

I have sticking out elbows in Italian is 'ho attaccare verso l'esterno I gomiti'

_**1 minute later**_

Neck kissing is baciare del collo. I couldn't find nuzzling in the book.

_**3 minutes later**_

I was soaring amongst the star when I was kissing Masimo on Friday. He is the most fabby kisser.

_**1 minute later**_

Dave the Laugh is the King of Lip nibbling.

_**1 minute later**_

Why do I keep thinking of Dave the Laugh? I must learn to control my thoughts through mediation. Ohmmmmmmmmm.

_**6 minutes later**_

How can I meditate with all this noise? Some complete fule has let Libby and Angus get hold of a bottle of vino tinto. Luckily they only drank a bit.

Libby is a very violent drunk.

So is Angus.

_**8 minutes later**_

What did Dave mean 'a soft landing to fall on?'

****

**Sorry this is a bit shorter than usual but didn't have much to write in here, just need to put Georgia in the Cake shop of Aggers and the Bakery of Pain etc.**

Sorry if the Italian isn't good italian, i was using babelfish translations as i'm only learning German, Spainish and Japanese (yes, i am offically a language freak, i love languages. Apart from Chinese. I gave up on that because it is REAllY Hard but once more i'm babbling)

**S**

**Update soon, xx **


	4. Nice to Meet You Little Elephant

**I've wrote a new (better, improved, the latest, sleekest model, etc) summary. **

**On rolls the fanfiction**

**Chapter 4- Nice to Meet you Little Elephant**

_**Run Run Pant Pant**_

_**Monday, June20**__**th**_

_**8.40am**_

Run, run. Pant, Pant.

Had no time to exfoliate, moisturise and apply barely noticeable make-up.

Quick check in my compact. Uh Oh. I have accidentally opted for a red faced loon look that is so popular with PE. teachers. Arg! Miss Stamp may go lesbian on me.

Out! There is no more space in my Bakery of Pain!

_**3 minutes later**_

Met Jas by her house and we sprinted to school. Typically the Foxwood Lads had appeared. They always appear when there is chance of Nunga-Nunga wobbling.

One of them called out "Saywhatifyoursleepwithme!"

Jas answered as confused as two confused thing "What?"

And they burst into laughter, and ran off in the opposite direction.

As I have said and I will say again, boys are a complete mystery to me.

_**At Stalag 14**_

_**10 minutes later**_

No time to do anything with my beret so I just jammed it over my head.

"Georgia! Stop walking like that!"

Like what exactly? A normal human-being? Then I remembered, she is the future me. So I said,

"Of course Miss Heaton," and I smiled sweetly.

"What have you done this time?"

Honestly, no trust over here. They always think I've done something wrong. I said this to Jas as we marched into assembly like soldiers.

"They always think I've done something wrong,"

"Well, you did set the locusts free,"

"So?"

"And put that skeleton in Elvis' chair,"

"Jas?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up,"

_**1 minute later**_

Jas has the mega hump. I tried to stand by her but she swapped places with Ellen. So me and Rosie belted out our fantastic version of 'Water of Life,' during hymns.

"Water! Water of PANTS, Jesus gives us the water of PANTS!"

Until Hawk-eye gave us the stare.

_**1 minute later**_

Slim was all jelliod and talking about the Harvest Festival next autumn. Which, you may have noticed is half a year away. We are all expected to grow our own vegetable.

_**15 minutes later**_

Put my arm around Jas on the way to German. They took it off quickly to avoid any lesbian rumours.

I asked "Will Hunky have a deformed carrot I can take in around that time?"

Then she went on about the fact that it was important to grow the vegetable myself and all these fertilisers Tom had shown her. I think she may be destined to become a blodge teacher.

"Jas I think you are destined to become a blodge teacher,"

Then she remembered she had the hump.

_**Break Time**_

I asked the Ace Gang "Why vegetables? Why not have a lip gloss festival?"

Jas moaned, "It's the season of plenty, all the crops are harvested at that time and food was plentiful…"

All the others realised I was joking.

"Jas, shut up,"

Then Ro-Ro said, "Actually, Jas has a point about vegetables, they are very important,"

We all stared at her with vacant disbeliefinosity.

Ro-Ro nodded wisely, "Yes, that's why I am holding a Vegetable Party at my house, Sunday,"

"Sunday?"

"Yes, fancy dress, you must come as a vegetable,"

"That is very short notice,"

"Time waits for no PANTS,"

Then Mabs said, "Dave the Laugh said that, didn't he?"

I may have to kill her.

Then Jools said, "What happened with you and Dave on Saturday, you slept at his didn't you?"

Ro-Ro said, "Yes, moi petite tarty-eux pal,"

Ellen said, "What…she…err…you know…err…um….did…the…err…you know?"

What in the name of Jas' over sized knickers is she on about?

Ro-Ro said, (very loudly), "Did you get up to number 10 with Dave?!"

Bloody Nora, I seem to have been branded a tart by some dire mistake.

I said, "Oh, you know, I think what we did by passed Number 10, more an 11…12 maybe…"

The gang were as agog as two gogs.

Ellen stuttered, "Like…erm…what…you know…"

Jools said, "You did the full Monty and beyond with Dave the Laugh?"

I screamed, "Of course not, what do you think I am a common tart?!"

Jas gave me this look that meant, 'yes, Georgia,'

"What did you do then?"

"Drank cola, then fell asleep by accident,"

Ro-Ro said "With a massage in-between,"

Ellen said," A massage, umm, like what-"

I said, "How'd you know?"

Ro-Ro said, "We called at his house to check on you, and he came out and said you were conked out on his bed by his extreme supreme massages,"

Cheeky cat. I was just tired.

Then Mabs said, "Yes, then his mum half killed us all for talking to him,"

I said, "Yes, she accused me of being a slut and saying me and Dave did it, so he said we used her bed and the bath, and she went ballisiticisimus,"

Ellen said, "So…err…is that the beyond?"

I am surrounded by les idiots.

_**German**_

Herr Kamyer is talking about _der Kochs _again. Going on a camping trip eating their weight in _spangleferkels_. Rosie sent me a note.

_Dear Gee,_

_The Kochs shouldn't eat the sausages. It's_

_sizist. Just because they are smaller._

_Love Ro-Ro._

Even in my confusiosity I have a sparkle of humour because I nearly literally wet myself laughing.

Herr Kamyer said, "Georgia was ist (twitch, twitch) so funny about der Kochs?"

I said, "Well, I think, in today's great and cultural country the Kochs are being rather sizist eating the sausages. They can't help being smaller,"

The class was in an uproar.

I think I am a comedy genius.

_**16 minutes later**_

Nauseating P. Green cornered me before I could rush off home. She really is unfortunate looking, like more a marshmallow with an enormous forehead.

"Georgia, I-"she started. Oh dear, I hope she isn't going to ask to hang around with us. I protected her from the bummer twins and this is my reward- she thinks she is my dumpy pal.

"Sorry, P Green, got things to do, people to see," and rushed off. Quickly.

_**Walking Home**_

Jas is still not talking to me. We are walking in silence next to each other. The others had selfishly left me to old Big-Knickers and carried on with there own lives.

Thank God Dave the Laugh isn't here.

How'd he get in my brain?

Out!

Out DAMNED Spot

_**1 minute later**_

I did linksies with Jas.

"Jas, I love you"

She unlinked and tried walking away.

So I followed her really, really closely behind, copying her footsteps and her breathing.

It was driving her mad.

But she couldn't say anything because she is ignorez-vousing me.

Hahahahahahaha.

_**Home**_

Libby half killed me when I went through the door.

"Gingey, Gingey!"

And she kissed my face all over. I wish she would wipe her nose a bit.

She yelled "Come see!"

I said, "Not now Libby,"

She hit me, "Bad boy, Look see,"

Ad she dragged me into the living room. She is very strong for a toddler. I suspect it is all the toys she hefts around.

"Look!"

There was a hamster on the side. In a cage.

Mum walked in.

"Oh, that girl, what is her name…Pamela? She left you a hamster as a thank you for protecting her,"

The poor thing, it isn't going to live a minute with Angus around.

Mum and Libby were prodding it with carrot sticks. Oh dear, as well as a brothel I am living in a torture centre.

Mum said, "What are you going to call it?"

But I was saved the trouble of explaining I didn't want it by Libby.

"Me call it, Elephan, heggo Elephan hab some naice carroty-pops,"

Nice to meet you Little Elephant, make the most of your short life in this house.

I wonder where Angus is?

**I have now read 'and that's when it fell of in my hand', so I am pretty much update to date to where this is set. Spent all my money on it but who cares? Thanks for your reviews! xx**


	5. Dave is dead meat Deader

**Sorry for not adding ****the new chapter quickly. And I don't know whether anyone got the sausage joke in Chapter 4, but I hope you did. )**

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Dave is Dead. Deader.**

_**Tuesday June 21**__**st**_

_**RE**_

Miss Wilson is really unfortunate looking. Although she doesn't really help herself- where does she get those rainbow coloured woollen tights from? A circus? Actually, Grandpa's lady friend probably knits them. I'm surprised they have toes.

Jas and Jools are applying lip gloss and foundation behind their books. Because their boyfriends are meeting them outside. They have no pride. Long gone are the days when I would be doing my make up in class. I have grown up into a mature old spinster with no flame of love to light my path. Oo-er

_**1 minute later**_

Does Masimo mean a week-week, with seven days? Do the Italians even have the same sort of week as us? Even if they do he could mean a boy week which is practically a S'later.

I need to ask Dave the Laugh what he thinks.

_**1 minute later**_

No, I can't. It'll end up as number 5. I must triple my glaciosity and eschew him with a firm hand.

_**30 seconds later**_

Even if he has got a fabby nip libbling technique.

ShutupShutupShutup.

I will not mention his name now, he will be the…err…Blob, the faceless, nameless Blob.

_**5 minutes later and 3 minutes until au revoir Stalag14. **_

Hahahahahahaha!

Miss Wilson thought the smell of Jools' nail varnish was the heater playing up. Not that it ever works- it's like Artic Conditions in this hell hole they call school. She sent Nauseating P. Green to get Elvis to take a look at it.

He came in grumbling like a grumbly thing from…err…the grumble hut. He had such a Nervy B at Miss Wilson I thought she was going cry.

I smell the sickly sweet aroma of luuurrve.

_**3.30pm**_

Hunky, Rollo and the Blob were waiting at the school gates. Ellen made us pretend to be in deep conversation so she could hide behind us and do her lip gloss. She is so in luuurrve with the Blob it is unbelievable. But to me he is only a face in the crowd. Even if he is looking gorgy in his dark jeans and t-shirt.

Shut up Brain!

_**2 minute**__**s later**_

The Blob tried to high five me. How sad is that? I tell you, unbelievably sad. Full of sadnosity and trés pathetico. As cool as a cucumber I ignorez-voused him and turned to Jas and pointed at a flower on the path.

I said, "Is that a special flower, Jas?"

She said (forgetting she has the hump with me), "Err…no…Gee, it's a dandelion,"

I raised my eyebrows so they practically disappeared, "Yes, but isn't that a special one?"

"Not really, it's a weed,"

It is like talking to a wall.

Or Angus.

_**3 minutes later**_

Dave is trying to make me jealous. He keeps flirting with Ellen. I thought she was going to have to be rushed to casualty to redness when he put his arm around her and pulled her into him.

Try all he wants I will not rise. I am as cool as a cucumber. Hmmmm…Meditating in my mind.

_**1 minute later**_

He called her Kittykat! I can't believe it! He is over stepped the line here!

Hmmmmm…..

Must breathe.

_**3.45pm**_

Just me and Dave now. I am ignorez-vousing him like he doesn't exist. Ha.

_**1 minute later**_

As we turned the corner Dave pushed me into a bush!

I was about to say, "Oii! What do you think your doing you great big nameless Blob!"

I said, "Oii! Wha-"

And he kissed me! Even though I was ignoring him! My brain was mentally trying to push him away but my body went all jelloid and gave into my rampant red-bottomosity.

He is a good kisser even though I am eschewing him with a firm hand.

He didn't do his nip libbling. If he going to surprise snog me in a bush he could at least nib-libble to make it worth my time.

I was about to tell him so in a very firm and glacier manner but he went for my neck.

And I mean literally went for my neck, not neck nuzzling like Masimo but more like a hungry vampire. He bit the side of my neck! How dare he, I might get rabies now.

He should have done it with his fangs in, like for the Teenage Werewolf party. Then I could have said, 'fangs very much'

Hey! Brain! SHUT UP.

I'm going batty.

Arrgggh!

It hurt a bit but he started sucking my skin. Like some sort of sucker fish. It was really weird but Vair vair jelloidish.

Then just as my whole body went completely jelliod he stopped.

Stop stopping you cheap stoppy thing!

He poked my lips and said, "You are my Kittykat and don't forget it," and he walked off.

What?

_**2 minutes later **_

Urgh. My neck's all slobbery now.

_**1 minute later**_

Merde. Mark Big Gob and his lardy mates were hanging around, smoking fags on the Bus Shelter roof. They saw me.

They pointed at my neck and yelled "Been a busy bird?"

What has Dave done?

_**Home**_

_**In my Bedroom**_

I am going to KILL Dave the Laughylaugh.

_**30 seconds later**_

No, must calm down the Buddhist way.

_**2 minutes later**_

I bet Buddha never had a Dave in his life. Poo! Merde!

_**1 minute later**_

Dave has given me a love bite! A big great purple mark on my neck.

_**2 minutes later**_

I might as well wear a neon flashy sign on my head saying, "Look, Masimo! I have rampant red bottomosity and while waiting for your answer to be my one and only I have been gallivanting off with other boys,"

I'm going to see him in 3 days.

_**10 minutes later**_

Rang Jas.

"Jas,"

"What?"

"Don't start that 'what' business again,"

"I won't,"

There was a big silence on the other end of the phone.

"Jas, what are you doing?"

"Not saying 'what'"

She is so annoying. And Fringy. Stupid Fringy.

"Jas, moi bestest pally, you know all the vair vair interesting things you and Tom do,"

"Oh, like the other day when we found some badger footprints and we followed them and-"

"Not the wild life, environmental things you do,"

She went a bit huffy, "Well what then?"

"Remember when Tom gave you a love bite on your toe?"

Jas started laughing like a loon on loon tablets.

Why?

"Y-yes," she choked out.

"How long did it take to go?"

"Hmmm, about a couple of weeks,"

"WEEKS!"

"Yes, why?"

"Oh, no reason,"

And I slammed the phone down.

_**2 minutes later**_

A couple of weeks! Oh God, goddy god, god. Emergency neck cover upping.

**12 minutes later**

Walked through the living room looking for a bit of mouldy sausage I could eat. My Mutti and Vati were snogging on the sofa. Erlack. It's like living in a porn movie. They have no pridinosity. Eurrgg. Libby was trying to join in.

Then Mutti noticed me for once. Just walking through.

"Georgia, why are you wearing a woolly scarf in June?"

I said, "Mum, you have no sense of today's fashion,"

Which is true, her top looks like an elderly prostitute's.

But I don't think the scarf is a good idea.

_**1 minute later**_

I have had the stroke of a watsit! Concealer!

_**10 minutes later**_

Triple poo, you can still a slight dark patch even underneath twenty layers of concealer.

_**2 minutes later**_

If I pull my hair forward into piggy tails it just looks like part of the shadow underneath my hair. Unfortunately, piggy tails are incredibly crap and naff.

Dave is dead meat. Deader.

**Hope you like! Please review. Xx**


	6. Buried two miles deep in Foundation

****

Woop! I have got Thursday off because of the Teacher Strike. Soooo, I get to write more of this.

**Woopie! And I mean that without sarcasticosity.**

**Arggh! It is very annoying- my head is full of Spanish because I have been revising for tomorrow. **

**My birthday is in a week and hopefully I'll be getting 'Luuurve is a many trousered thing' so I'll be up to speed with all things Georgia Nicholson shaped!**

**Arrgh! Have you noticed it keeps duplicating my top line and writing it is non-bold. I've just had to delete it. :S**

* * *

**Chapter 6-Buried two Miles deep in Foundation**

**Wednesday June 22****nd**

_**8.00am**_

My neck is about two miles deep in foundation and concealer with a bit of thick skin-colour eye shadow to be safe. It looks like I have a giant lump in my neck.

_**2 minutes**_

The piggy tails make me look like an over grown first former. Libby may take me to her nursery.

_**1 **__**minute**_

Quite frankly, I'll rather jump into a vat of custard than spend a day with Libby and her equally insane 'fwends'.

_**8.23am**_

Met Jas outside her house. She's started talking to me. So that means I win the glaciosity competition. She had her nose in a book. Called '_An Earthlings guide to Geography SUCCESS'. _Very swotty. I could not believe it. Because it was unbelievable, that is why.

Then again this is Jas we are talking about.

"Jas, do you mind telling me why are you reading a book for a) People that are ten times smarter than you and b) actually give a toss about geography?"

But she ignored my wit.

"We have exams today,"

"So?"

"They are GCSE's,"

"So?"

"They are important,"

"So?"

"Gee, I'm too busy to listen to you,"

Humph.

_**2 minutes later**_

Hahahahahahahahahaha. And hehe. I slammed the book shut on Jas' nose.

It went all red.

Hahaha.

_**Assembly**_

Our revered Headmistress Slim is telling us all the delightful rules of examinations.

No talking.

No coughing.

No turning around.

You can't pick up anything you dropped.

No eating.

No smiling.

I'm surprised there isn't a rule against breathing.

Oh, I lie. You can't breathe loudly.

_**2 minutes later**_

The Ace Gang are panting like horses. Or do I mean dogs? Miss Swotty Knickers isn't doing it. She is looking all keen and ready for the exams.

_**In the Loo**__**s**_

Applying lip gloss before I go into the exams. I don't really know why. Jas is upside down under the blow dryer putting volumosity into her fringe.

"Jas, if you keep doing that your fringe might blow off,"

Then she looked at my hair which was in first-former chic piggy tails.

"Why are you trying to look like a first former?"

"I am not, I am just trying to hide a thing I was err…given yesterday,"

"What?"

"It is a secret I will take to the grave,"

_**2 minutes later**_

I've accidentally told Jas everything.

"I thought you were giving up the General Horn,"

"I was but he pushed me into a bush,"

"Gee, you are going to get a reputation for being a promiscuous slag,"

"HE pushed ME into the bush! Not the other way around,"

"You could have fought him off,"

"He's a boy; every one knows that boys are much stronger than girls. Do you ever see a girl sumo wrestler?"

"You are taller than him,"

It's like talking to a wall.

_**Lunch Time**_

I said, "What a fabby and also marvy waste of time that turned out to be,"

The Ace Gang did the special cross-eyed klingon salute.

Apart from old Swotty-Knickers.

Jas said, "I'm sure I got question 8 wrong, I didn't know whether it was destructive or constructive plate boundaries that caused volcanoes,"

I said, "Does it really matter?"

"Yes, because I want to become an environmentalist,"

"Isn't that one of those hippy-type people who ties them selves to trees in the nuddy-pants so they don't get chopped down?"

Rosie said, "Oo-er,"

Then Jas looked at me meaningfully, "Well done, Gee, that was a great BITE back,"

Luckily, Ellen was in dither-spas land.

"Do you think…err…Dave misses me? Because he was…err kind of sort of hugging me and…err…it was groovy and not, like, ungroovy…and I still really rate him…but he is still going out Rachel, isn't he? He said I was his…err…Pretty Kittykat…and he wouldn't say that if he didn't think I was groovy…would he?"

Dear Lord, help us all. I may have a nervy B if she doesn't make more sense.

_**1 minute later**_

My red herring was using Ellen as a red herring to get to me.

How ironic.

Not that it worked.

He is going to be dead next time I see him.

Very, Very dead.

_**1 minute later**_

I hope when Masimo tells me he wants me to be his official snogging partner he doesn't neck nuzzle me. As well as getting a face full of foundation he's going to notice it.

_**1 minute later**_

Well that's IF he tells me he wants me to be his official snogging partner.

Knowing my life he won't.

_**30 seconds later**_

Oh GoddyGodGod!

Maybe a week means five days. You know, with no weekend. That will mean he is coming TODAY!! Oh Blimey O'Reily's trousers. He will see me with no make up on (apart from on my neck)

_**1 minute later**_

Maybe he will think I am full of maturiosity because I am not being over keen and I am playing it cool and calm.

_**3.45pm**_

Thank our Lord Sandra.

Masimo wasn't at the gates. I think I may have had an F.T. to end all F.T's if he had been.

But I still feel a bit paranoid.

_**3.52pm**_

Soon-going-to-be-dead caught up with us as we were talking about the end of exams disco in two weeks time, I still haven't decided what to wear. It's boy free and hopefully I will have my one and only one by then so I don't need to wear anything full of flirtosity but jeans are to dull. Maybe I should wear sparkly flares like Sven does, and blind everyone. Hahahaha.

I feel a bit of stupid brain coming on. Why? I hate Dave.

Anyway, where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself?

Dave high fived us all again (by that I mean everyone but me because I am ignorez-vousing him). What is it with these high fives? They're trés pathetico and naff.

_**2 minutes later**_

While Jas was boring every one with her _Twats guide to geography SUCCESS _Dave looked really pointedly at my neck. He looked really disappointed when he saw I'd covered it up. What did expect me to do? Wear it proudly like a huge notice- I am a Red-Bottomed minx?

Then he came really close and I thought he was going to try to kiss me in front of everyone.

He said, "Oh dear, I better aim for the front next time,"

What? The front of my neck? Next time? There isn't going to BE a next time Mr. Dave the Laughylaugh.

Even if he does look gorgy in his Foxwood uniform.

Shut up!

Then he said, "Hey! Ma bitches. I have a date with the Doc for manic depression, S'later, and Georgia, wear it proudly!"

Then he ran off.

Cheeky Cat.

_**1 minute later**_

Manic Depression? If Dave is depressed he should have my life. He'd be suicidal.

_**Thursday, June 23**__**rd**_

_**Breakfast**_

Oh GoddyGodGod.

I am soooooo nervous.

And not because of exams.

Because of a certain thing happening tomorrow. But I won't say what because it won't happen if I say it. It's like voodoo. But let me give you a clue. It begins with 'M' and ends in 'asimo'

_**1 minute later**_

I have had a lurker outbreak where I had shovelled on all the foundation. Even they hate the love bite and they're usually against me.

_**5.20pm**_

In a word, I am EXHAUSTED.

My hand aches like billion from writing virtually a novel for the English exam. I don't see why I bother. Why do I need to take an English GSCE when I can quite obviously speak English?

_**5 minutes later**_

What should I go as for the Vegetable Party? I know what I'm not going as and that's a stuffed olive.

_**2 minutes later**_

Phoned Jas.

"Bonsoir,"

"Look, Gee, I'm busy revising for the Blodge exam-"

"Why do you need a GSCE for tree hugging?"

"It's GCSE not GSCE,"

"Same difference,"

"It's not really, its-"

"Jas? What are you dressing up as?"

She suddenly started being all friendly because I was talking about her.

"Ooooh! Me and Tom are going to go as matching mushrooms. Did you know 80 of mushrooms are poisonous to humans but only 60-"

"Jas, quite frankly I give a flying pig's bottom about mushroom, and I say that with supreme luuurrrve for you,"

Jas went all silent and annoyed.

I said, "What should I go as?"

Jas said, "How about a BITTEN apple?"

So much for friendly.

_**5 minutes later**_

Got it. I shall go as a flower.

Their a type of vegetable aren't they?

_**1 minute later**_

I will make it on Saturday (unless I'm on a snogging extravaganza with the luuurrrve god and then I'll be obviously busy).

I need to moistures, exfoliate, do some yoga, apply a face mask and get some beauty sleep for tomorrow.

Phoar. What I do for love.

**

* * *

****I am soooooo tired. It is 1 past midnight at the moment. So sorry for any mistakes in it!**

**Bit of a boring chapter, I know.**

**Kyramy: I'm really sorry! But I don't really want a beta reader; I'm just writing then uploading at the moment then writing more. But thanks for the offer! :)**

**Everyone else: Thank you soooo much for your reviews!**

**Ps. Does anyone actually know what 'vair' means because the translator said it was French for squirrel fur? Oo **


	7. A Looney Bin for People to Laugh at Me

**Didn't get much time left this Thursday for writing this! Did my art work and then had to clean my mice out. They are supremely cute but trés pongios. **

**I have been doing Georgia fan art. As soon as I can get ****access to a scanner to upload them to Deviant Art I'll let you know.**

* * *

**Chapter 7- Put in a Loony bin for People to Laugh at Me**

_**Friday June 24**__**th**_

_**7.00am**_

My face mask had cemented it's self to my face. Had to pull it off. The faces mask obviously, not my face.

On the plus side it's taken all signs of a lurker rebellion away.

_**10 minutes later**_

I can't let Masimo see me in school uniform! That will only remind him how young I am.

_**1 minute later**_

You Reek! Or whatever the science-type people say. I have got it! I will put a white t shirt underneath my shirt. Haha, you can't see it. After school I'll whip it off in the Tart's Wardrobe and voilá! It's a bit plain but Dave said boys like things simple.

_**2 minutes later**_

Why am I thinking about Dave the Laugh?

I have perfected away to make the love bite completely invisible. Mix talcum powder with water to turn it into some sort of paste and then smear it on my neck until the love bite is covered then put foundation on top so I haven't got a big white blob on my neck.

_**10 minute**__**s later**_

Now for 'natural' make up.

A discreet layer of foundation and some mascara. Perfect.

I'll do the rest in RE

_**3 minutes later**_

Now hair. I can't curl it in RE, even Miss Wilson who lives in the world of the very mad will notice me with curlers in my hair.

I know. I'll only curl the top layer and I'll put my beret over my curlers.

_**4 minutes later**_

Ouchy Ouch, the curlers are being forced into my head.

_**At Stalag 14**_

Manage to pass the armed guard (Hawkeye) and back up loon Miss. Stamp. They're all red and keen because of the other exams coming up to day. And that is the sadnosity of their life.

_**Assembly**_

Oh dear. Wet Lindsay has reached the heights of wetness. Slim was all jelloid and shaky when she was telling us Wet Lindsay was going to become a teacher apprentice for the next two weeks as she wants to become a teacher.

Slim said, "I hope there will be more of you that decide to follow in Lindsay's footsteps,"

I whispered to Ro-Ro, "I know I won't, think of all the glop left behind her like a snail…Lindsay the snail…hahaha…in a thong…erlack! I must get that image out of my head or I may have a laughing spas,"

Ro-Ro Gave me her special cross-eyed klingon salute of approval.

Then Slim actually said something fabbytastic and trés interesting. The School are making a school magazine and she needs us to be the editors.

I will see her about being the Agony Aunt, I know all about agony.

_**Blodge Exam**_

I don't _know _what the difference is between a bacteria and a virus is and what's more I don't giving a flying pig's bottom.

What is the point of me doing this? I'm not going to be a vet or anything.

Jas is in front of me, scribbling away like her life depends on it. She's so swotty. It's really sad. She actually cares about her exams.

_**3 minutes later**_

Hahahahaha. I have found a trés amusant way to annoy the exam invigilators (some sad pervert in a suit and an extremely twitchy woman who I think is related to Herr Kamyer)

Anyway, where was I before I interrupted myself? Oh yes, my trés amusant way to annoy twitchy and pervy suit. We aren't allowed to pick things up of the floor (do they think we're going to write notes on the floor?) and they have to come over. So I drop my pen. And they come over and pick it up. Then I drop it again as they walk off. Hahahahaha they're getting all red and annoyed but they can't shout at me because it'll disturb everyone else.

Even in my heights of nerviosity I am a comedy genius.

_**Break**_

Told the Ace Gang the dropping-pen fandango and they (all apart from old Swotty-knickers) did their wise nodding. We are all going to do the dropping-pen in the German exam next. What a hoot. A rootlin' tootlin' hootlin' hoot.

_**1 minute later**_

We were all sun bathing on the green and Ellen was rambling on for England about D the L.

"I really, really miss him…because…like…err…you know…yes…you know…groovy…um…he… really rate him,"

I said kindly, "Ellen, what in the name of Slim's elephantine footsies are you jabbering on about?"

Then she said, "Gee, when he...err…said to you yesterday, 'wear it proudly'…what did he mean?"

Jas looked at me.

"I have no idea," I lied.

That seemed to satisfy her.

_**German Exam**_

Trés amusant and sehr fantastisch. Every 30 seconds one of the Ace gang drops their pen. The invigilators are running round like loons on loon tablets picking up the pen. Even other people have cottoned on and have joined in. Vair, vair funny.

_**Lunch**_

Went to see Slim about the Agony Aunt place. I was just sitting outside the offices waiting for her to stop giving the first formers an earful because of knocking Elvis over playing tig when Hawkeye walked past.

"Georgia? What have you done this time,"

"Nothing Miss Heaton,"

"Don't give me nothing,"

And walked off. Adults are so full of suspiosity.

Eveeeennntually i got to see Slim

"What do you want? Who sent you here? What have you done?" she barked. Honestly, no one trusts me.

"I wanted to see about the Agony Aunt section on the magazine, I want to be an Agony Aunt you see,"

This suprised here because her mouth dropped open. Unless it gave way for her double chins.

**_1 minute later_**

Yesss! The Nub and gist of it is that i am now offically the Agony Aunt. Yesss.

_**RE**_

The Ace Gang sat in our usual haunts at the back. I am sooooooooo nervous about meeting Masimo. Is he going to say yes or no? When Miss Wilson had settled down and was rambling on about holy finger nails or something I started my makeup. I got Jas to put the mirror in the text book we were sharing so I could see what I was doing.

Foundation. Check. Nice and subtle- no orange trapeze artistic look about it.

Mascara. Check. Double check. I have so much on; I look like I'm wearing boy entrancers.

Eye Shadow. Check.

Lip gloss.

Should I wear Strawberry or Raspberry or a mixture?

I asked Jas, "Jas, what flavour?"

Jas said, "I don't know,"

Fine, then.

I ask Ro-Ro.

She said, "I know! I'll throw a rubber at Miss Wilson. If she turns around lefty ways it's Strawberry, if she turns around righty ways its Raspberry and if she ignores it, it's a mixture,"

Miss Wilson turned around right to look at us with her mouth hanging open like she was trying to catch flies.

Raspberry it is.

_**3.30pm**_

I took off my shirt in the tarts wardrobe so I just had the t shirt on and release my hair from the curler-torture. Ow. I am vair clever. The Ace Gang walked with me in the middle and kept laughing so it looked like I was very popular. Masimo would be a fool not to fall for me and my womanly charm.

I looked secretly over toward the gates. He wasn't there. Poo. All that nervousness for nothing.

But I feel sort of relieved some how. At least I can make sure I'm looking my tip topiness at home.

_**Running home**_

I'm jogging home.

Uh-oh, some Foxwood boys are lurking about.

One shouted "Watch those jugs," pointing at my nunga-nungas which were jumping up and down as I ran. Practically running by themselves. I ignored them and carried on, pant pant.

_**1 minute later**_

Puff! Out of breath. My neck is itching like an itching thing on itching tablets from all the talcum powder.

_**Home**_

Make up extravangza. My hand was shaking so much I poked myself in the eye with the mascara brush and had to do my entire eye again.

Uh Oh. Mini Loon, Libby came into my room.

I said, "Libby, Georgia's reeealy busy,"

Libby said, "No! Bad boy! Make up me,"

"Make up's for big girls, Libby,"

"No! Me and Angus wanna do snogglin; Make up me, NOW Ginger"

Good grief.

_**5 minutes later**_

I have made Libby into a cat like one of the face-painting type people. I used mums orange foundation and some brown lip liner for so tabby stipes.

She'll need to watch out for Naomi who might think she's her rival inluuurrve.

_**5.00pm**_

Masimo still hasn't come. I wonder whether he's with Thongee- snail.

Erlack, slime.

_**2 minutes later**_

Angus ran into my room covered in orange foundation and hid on top of my wardrobe.

Libby came in, smiling like her scary pantaliser doll.

"Where's my boyfwend?"

"So, Libby what number did you get up to?"

"Number 9, I like 9, it's a naice number,"

Lower body fondling. Oo-er

I laughed like a loon on loon tablets.

_**6.20pm**_

Where is Masimo?

_**7.50pm**_

Where art thou ye biggeth sexy italioneth Stallionee?

_**8.30pm**_

Waiting.

_**9.05pm**_

Still waiting. Ho hum pigs bum.

_**9.30pm**_

Maybe the door bell will ring when I count up to a hundred.

_**1 minute later**_

In French!

_**3 minutes later**_

In German.

_**4 minutes later**_

Alternating English, German and French.

"One, Zwei, Trois, four, fünf, six, seven, acht, neuf…"

_**10 minutes later**_

Now not only have I got a really bad head ache I'm still Masimo less.

_**1 minute later**_

What have I done to deserve this?

_**In my Bed of Pain.**_

_**10.45pm**_

I've taken off all my make up. Even off my love bite. It's gone bright red. It's probably infected. Or I've caught rabies. I'll be frothing at the mouth and put in a loony bin for people to laugh at me. At least I can just live in a straight jacket and not feel burnt by the scorns of luuurrrve. Masimo is probably too busy get slimed over by Wet Lindsay to have remembered me. I don't even have Libby in bed with me; she's too busy molesting Angus. Nobody cares about me. I'm going to have to be an old spinster or nun.

I can't be bothered to moisturise and exfoliate. Let those lurkers lurk. My life is over.

**Poor old Georgia. Back in the Oven of Luuuurrve. I'll be writing my next chapter ASAP. Thank you for reviews xx. You know I luurrve you all!**


	8. Then That's When the Door Flew Open

**Sorry for not writing for ages. Got some new pet rats you see and have been obsessing over them. Rattie and Ronnie. Very cute indeedio.**

* * *

**Chapter 8- Then that's When the Door flew Open**

_**S**__**aturday **__**June 25**__**th**_

_**In my Bed of Pain**_

_**10.30am**_

My eyes are all swollen like little mice eyes from crying. One minute I'm snogging a luuurrve god underneath twinkly twits and the next I'm back in the Oven of Luurrve, after popping into the Bakery of Pain and waving 'hello!' in the Cake Shop of Agony. Still that is life. Well, my life.

_**5 minutes later**_

I hate him

_**1 minute later**_

No, I love him.

_**11.15am**_

I wonder if I killed myself anyone will notice? No one cares about me. Swiss Family Mad has gone to visit the elderly loons and my so called friends haven't called me. Even Angus is out terrorising the Prat Poodles.

_**5 minutes later**_

Mutti and Vati wouldn't notice I'm gone until they suddenly think, "Where is my daughter who I can go and annoy with a clown car/ oversized nunga nungas?"

Then they will see my lifeless body and carry on with snogging on the sofa.

_**1 minute later**_

This is very depressing.

_**6 minutes later**_

Tried to stab myself but I haven't got the couraginosity.

_**2 minutes later**_

I don't want to die in pain.

_**1.00pm**_

What about if Masimo couldn't make yesterday for band practice and he really wants to see his gorgeous sex kitty but he can't?

What if he's coming over today?

_**15 minutes later**_

Erlack! A herd of lurkers are lurking on my chin.

_**2 minutes later**_

I'm wearing a polo neck so Masimo can't see the love bite and it'll stop any neck nuzzling/ foundation face watsits.

_**3 minutes later**_

What should I wear legs-wise? Skirt. More full of flirtosity,

_**1 minute later**_

No trousers, it makes it look I have more casualosity.

_**1 minute later**_

Skirt

_**1 minute later**_

Trousers

_**1 minute later**_

I'll flip a coin. Heads are trousers. Tails are skirts.

Skirt it is.

But he might think I was waiting for him.

Trousers.

No! Skirt! That is it!

_**1 minute later**_

No trousers, it makes it look I have more casualosity.

Arrgh! The skirt is on and that is it!

_**2.00pm**_

He hasn't came

_**5 minutes later**_

Still waiting.

_**2.10pm**_

Phoned Jas.

She said "What?!"

"Don't say what like that,"

"Like What,"

"Stop it, I have something heartbreaking and depressing and vair vair sad to tell you,"

"Red Crested Newts have become extinct?"

"No, I said something sad,"

"Oh God, has Masimo dumped you?"

"He…I…He…"

Blimey O'reily's trousers I was blubbing. Again.

"Don't go anywhere, I am coming round,"

_**3.00pm**_

Munching Pop Tarts and Midget Gems with Jas.

Jas said with a mouthful of snacksies "So he didn't even bother to show up?"

"No,"

"I couldn't deal with somebody being so _unreliable_, Tom is always there for me, like this once when we were looking for fireflies-"

Luckily I managed to stop her from rambling by giving her a huge hug. She shot away like she was being attack by Miss Stamp.

"Jas, you are moi bestest pally and I love you,"

"Please don't start this lezzy business again,"

"No, Jas, I love you, you are a tip top pally and bestest friendy,"

Jas said "Well, err…thanks, err…if you want you can sleep over mine Sunday Night after the party,"

"I'm not going,"

"Why?"

"Because I am heartbroken and in the merde of lurrrve,"

Then Jas said, after thoughtfully chewing on her Midget Gem, "I think you should go, if Masimo called when you were out it will show that you have better things to do than wait for him,"

"And I will be glacier girl and vair vair sophis,"

"Exactamondo,"

I hugged Jas again, "you are una petite genius!"

_**3.30pm**_

Making my costume (a daisy). I am making it out of an old white table cloth on chicken wire to make the petals and I will wear my gorgey khaki green skirt and green top that sort of hangs on my shoulders. Vair Vair gorgey and marvy with a definite hint of sex-kittinosity.

_**1 minute later**_

I could dye my face yellow with crazy dye like the middle of a daisy. On second thoughts-err no.

_**30 seconds later**_

I'll borrow Mum's green wedge heeled green boots. She won't mind. Unless she finds out and she will go balisticomus.

_**3 minutes later**_

Libby has a head band with lots of little daisies in it. A quick check for lurking pieces of food or cat poo. It seems safe.

_**1 minute later**_

It is vair vair relaxing making something, I keep forgetting about my Luuurrve God.

_**7.30pm**_

Sitting in the living room, making the most of not having a porn show from the elderly snoggers. They are so disgusting. And childish.

Why can't they wear welligogs and do DIY like any normal parent? How am I supposed to know how to be normal? No wonder Masimo hasn't come round.

No! I won't think of him.

Uh-oh, Angus is eyeing up Elephant. I better stop 'the call of the wild'

_**10 minutes later**_

Wow! Super Hamster! And hahahaha.

Angus noticed Elephant lurking in his cage. Like a sort of snack in a cage. So he stuck his claw in lazily . Any sane hamster would have run but not Elephant! He BIT his paw. How groovy and cool is that? Very Groovy and very cool.

_**11.00pm**_

_**In my Bed of Pain**_

Uh-oh Swiss Family Mad has arrived. As quiet as mice, caring that their gorgy teenage daughter is in boboland.

No, back in Nicholson land Mum and Dad are falling up the stares, saying Sssssh loud enough to wake the dead. Or at least Mr Next Door. I can hear him snoring from here.

Then that's when the door flew open.

"Gingey, its MEEEE!"

I pretended to be asleep.

"Munch Munch, Yum Yum, Naaaice,"

I felt something very cold and wet and hard pinch my cheek.

It was a pair of false teeth.

From some elderly loon's mouth.

"Erlack a Pongoes!" I shot up like a shooting thing at a shooting party

"It's Naaaice,"

"No it isn't,"

"Move over bad boy! Mr. Chatter teeth want to get cosy,"

**I am back finally. At the moment I have Rattie looking at me because he wants so more cheese, he is going to become very obese. Anywaaaaaay….sorry but this was another one of those boring chapters but it still needed doing.**

**Luv yas. xxx**


	9. I dropped Libbys Pooey Nappy on his head

**OMG! Sorry soooooooo busy at the moment. Had to take my mouse to the vets as all her furs falling out and the skin underneath is bleeding and sore. Poor thing.**

* * *

**Chapter 9- So that's When I Dropped Libby's Pooey Nappy on his Head**

_**Sunday June **__**26**__**th**_

_**8.15am**_

Woke up to Cross-eyed Gordon about two millimetres from my nose (which isn't as close as you might think). I shot backwards like a shooting thing. Well, I would have but I hit my head on the wall behind me. It is quite possibly the most scariest thing I have seen, two mad yellow eyes staring at me. Well one, the other was looking at the wardrobe.

_**1 minute later**_

I am going to sit in bed until my morning coffee comes.

_**10 minutes later**_

Still waiting.

_**8.30am**_

The phone rang and I charged down stairs as fast as a watsit.

Making sure my nose was nicely sucked in I answered the phone "Hi,"

Good, just like a normal human being,

"Can I speak to your mum please?"

It was one of her so called 'aerobic' mates. Mutti might say she is throwing herself around a gym but really I know she is dancing with men in the nuddy pants. Them in the nuddy pants not her because her nunga nunga's could give some old man quite a turn. She may be responsible for an elderly loon's death. Which isn't as bad as it might sound…

_**10 minutes later**_

Mutti is trying to make me baby-sit my darling little sister because she has an urgent appointment with the 'girls'. I think I heard baldy-o-grams being mentioned. I told her with full frontal politosity that I'd rather stick my head in a bag of eels and whelks.

I am not going jumping over spoons again.

_**1 minute later**_

Then again I might bump into Masimo; I always do when I'm making a complete and utter fule of myself.

_**2 minutes later**_

How casual is bumping into someone while jumping over spoons with the criminally insane (Libby)?

_**30 seconds later**_

No No and thrice no! I am not going back into the Cake shop of Aggers.

_**15 minutes later**_

I found myself waving bye to my mutti at the door. Aah, at least I can borrow her new channel lipstick. And bag.

Just as she was tarting up the road she turned around and shouted, "Oh, Gee, I forgot to mention, Cousin James is coming around, do him a sandwich or something,"

Erlack! Sandwich? The only thing I'll be doing with my pervy cousin does begin with an 'S' but ends in 'udden disappearance'.

I was wondering when there would be a fly in the ointment. And he is it. Erlack!

_**12.15pm or is it am? Well anyway, it's midday.**_

I feel strangely excited about the party. I don't know why, it's only about vegetables. I bet Jas is all excited. I bet she's going to wear some botty huggers with pictures of sweet corn on them.

I wonder what Dave the Laugh is going as?

Arrrgh! Get out of my head! You are not a luuurrrve God; you are a Dave God which is no God in anyone's book.

_**1 minute later**_

I hope another Truth or Dare doesn't come up like at the fish party. It was there I fell down the slippery slope to red bottomosity. Stupid Dave. Arrgh! Why does he keep popping up? Oo-er.

_**2 minutes later**_

On the plus side, I could make Jas put vegetables down her knickers again. Hahahahaha, a pineapple would show her the error of her ways vis á vis the bitten apple joke

_**5 minutes later**_

Hahahhahahahhaha.

There you go I'm laughing like a loon on loon tablets on my stairs.

Oh dear.

_**1pm**_

I was innocently sitting laughing to myself when Libby came in. I could practically hear the horror movie music start up.

"Me make nice nest for snuggles,"

"Not now Libby,"

"Buuuut it SUCH a naaaice nest Gingey,"

"No,"

"Rrrrrr bad boy!"

Ouch.

_**10 minutes later**_

This is my fabulous life. I am crammed under mum's vanity table with my little sister who is as mad as an earwig, scuba diving Barbie, Charlie Horse and our Lord Sandra, Cross-eyed Gordy who has something rather suspicious looking clinging out of his bum oley and Elephant who has replaced Angus.

"Libby, I am going now,"

"No, Bad Boy stay!"

"No, it's boring,"

"Okay, watch me,"

Libby pulled off the door (a blanket) and stood out side the nest.

"Haf a pound and a cup of lice,

Haf a pound of tickles…"

Oh dear, the return of 'Poop goes the Weasel'

"Libby, NO!"

But I was too late to stop her from taking off her nappy.

Eurgh…

_**1.30pm**_

The door bell rung.

Poo and Merde, crap Cousin James is here.

Libby said "Lets open that door now,"

And I said, "No, sssh, we hiding…it's a game,"

Libby had an uncontrollable laughing fit, "Heggyhoggyhoghog!"

The door bell rang again.

Then he shouted up "Gee, I know you're in there,"

I stayed as still as a trapped rabbit in the head lights. Stiller.

Then he said, "Your mum phoned and said you and Libby were home alone so I DO know your in there!"

Still Still.

"I have an awful lot of molesting to do,"

How DARE he? Anyone could have heard! Euurgh, I feel abused and dirty.

I poked my head out the window to see him below. He definitely has the badger-upper-lip syndrome which is so popular with the very very pervy.

I really hate him. I am a woman, I have been in and out the Cake Shop of Aggers more time than you can poke a stick at. I will never ever purchase a Jammy James and that is le fact.

So that's when I dropped Libby's Pooey Nappy on his head.

**Sorry it's so short but I cannot wait for the party scene. H****oppy Yoppies away!!**

**By the way is midday pm or am?**


	10. Oi! Get off my Banana!

****

Party Time (Random outburst of Let's go Down to the Disco)

* * *

**Chapter 10- Oi! Get off my Banana!**

_**Sunday June 26**__**th**_

_**5.00pm**_

Mutti has finally returned from watching the baldy-o-grams, so I can finally start getting ready for the party. Only three hours to get ready. Oh the tension the tension. I don't see why I'm so bothered though, as I am a boy free zone.

_**1 minute later**_

This is my to do list:

5.05pm- put on banana face mask.

5.10pm- have a nice bath with mum's nice but err…not mine…cashmere silk bubble bath.

5.45pm- Remove face mask and blow dry hair.

6.00pm- Put on base coat

6.10pm- Do hair

6.40pm-Do rest of make up

7.15pm- Get on outfit

7.30pm- Leave

I am like a bee. Busy, I mean, I don't rip off my partners' trouser snake addendas once I've had my wicked way with them. Though it would save a lot of hassle.

_**5.30pm**_

LT Loon commander Vati is singing outside my door. With me in the nuddy pants. In the bath.

What is he singing?

"I'm sooooooo smmmeeeelly, I need a baaaaaaar of soooap,"

He is not wrong there.

_**7.15pm**_

Whoever made this daisy costume is a…wait it was me…is the most gorgeous Sex Kitty alive. Hahaha.

Why did I make the neck bit so tight?

Ouch Bugger Crappidoodles.

_**1 minute later**_

At least there was no trouser or skirt fandango because I would have never got out. And no one wants that.

_**7.30pm**_

The Ace Gang (minus Ro-Ro who was the hostess and Jas who was going with her tree hugging boyfriend) were waiting for me at the clock tower. I'm surprised Ellen decided on a costume. Although I'm not quite sure what she is.

I said that, "What in the name of Arse are you?"

"Well, um, you know, I could decide, I thought it would be, you know, groovy and not ungroovy to be a sprout but, err, it came out ungroovy, so erm, I thought I'd change it, err. Like into a carrot, is it okay, or is it, err, like, you know, not okay?"

Ramble on Miss Half-Sprout-Half-Carrot.

Then Mabs said, "Gee, a daisy isn't a vegetable, you don't eat them,"

I tapped my nose, "Ah but don't you?"

They looked at me, agog like two agog things.

"The ancient people of the Daisic Tribe used to eat daisies; they are very good for you full of… Daisentine, which is a vitamin which…err helps beauty"

Jools didn't think I was Wise Woman of the Forest. She thought I was mad, "You speak WUBBISH!"

"If there was no such thing as Daisics and Daisentine why are daisies called daisies?"

That stumped them.

_**3 minutes later**_

I wish people would not listen to me when I talking complete and utter bollocks. Ellen is very interested in our friends the Daisics.

_**8.00pm**_

We rung the door bell on Rosie's house and it was pulled off it's hinges by Sven who was dressed as a furry leather onion.

"Get in their my bitches, ja!" he yelled and scooped us all into a neck breaking hug, Heavens knows what goes on in his mind. Luckily Rosie (Dressed as a cabbage with a false beard) came in a he lunged on her and they started snogging. While she was eating. It was quite disgusting.

_**1 minute later**_

The usual crowd: the Foxwood Lads, the Dame and his crew, the girls from Moorgrange school. Quite a lot of the Foxwoods are..well…foxy. But in a guy way.

At least Dave the Laugh isn't here.

_**3 minutes later**_

Jas arrived with Tom. They are both dressed as matching mushrooms. It is quite hilarious. Jas thinks she's a 'special' mushroom. But she is not a mushroom, she is on mushrooms, the magic type particularly.

_**10 minutes later**_

I managed to tear Jas away fro her boyfriend for three seconds.

"Jas, do you think I doing the right thing no waiting for Masimo and partying?"

"No! What if he phoned now?!"

"Oh, even if someone clever told me that? Someone I trust?"

"It's a very stupid thing to do, who told you to be stupid? Or are you making it up because as we know you are very very stupid, in fact edging on the edge of bonkerosity,"

"Jas, you told me,"

"Well obviously, I didn't mean it,"

Thanks Jas, I love you

_**8.30pm**_

Dave and his crew arrived. He had his usual huge gathering of shameless tarts around him. They have no pridnosity.

"Be gentle with me! No pulling and pushing! We can all share here,"

He is so bloody over confident. I hate him. I am ignorez vousing him. Which is actually quite hard to do as he is dressed as a floresant banana with sunglasses.

_**8.40pm**_

Had to go to the piddly diddly department. I feel really jumpy and nervous. I don't know why. Probably this Masimo Fandango.

_**5 minutes later**_

Tons of cans of beer and bottles of alchopops have appeared from somewhere, probably the Foxwoods- they are drinking them by the barrel full.

I had one to try and cool my nerves.

Erlack! It's horrible! Really sharp and dry.

_**2 minutes later**_

There is the fabbiness of my life. I don't like alcohol so I am destined to be a social retard. Thanks Buddha.

_**3 minutes later**_

But I do feel a bit calmer. Sort of.

Well I did drink loads to try and find a nice tasting one.

Eurgh…I feel sick.

_**1 minute later**_

But I don't think I'm drunk, I only had a sip of each one…just happy and sick like a happy thing on sick pills. Or would it be a sick thing on happy pills? Either way I feel as if I am going to puke.

_**9.35pm**_

Dave cornered me as I was resting after a powerful outburst of the Viking Disco inferno dance with the Ace Gang.

Phoar, he is looking gorgey. I felt my love bite burn. Like a Dave detector. Huh! What I need is a Dave rejecter.

"A daisy, Sex Kitty?"

Oh merde and triple poo with chocolate sauce, I had forgotten the daisy picking session.

"Yep, a daisy's groovy like two groovy things…err…grooving,"

He took off his huge shades, "You know what I've got to do with every daisy I see?"

"What?"

"This…she loves me, she loves me not…"

He was she-loves-me-she-loves-me-notting my petals! The last petal he counted was the one in front of me.

"…She loves me,"

Then he snogged me! In the middle of the party! ANYONE could have seen!

But he is a groovy snogger.

In the spirit of red bottomosity and started joining in and put my hands around his head (well, banana stalk)

Then he broke the kiss and shouted, "Oi, minx, get off my banana, you know I like it,"

Everyone turned around and stared at me. Oi! Stop staring at me like staring things!

He is APPALLING! And embarrassing, I had to make a sharp exit. Oh I hate him, I hate him.

_**10.00pm**_

Hiding behind Jas and Tom from Dave. They are rubbish camouflage. They keep talking far apart them move close a kiss then walk somewhere else. And I'm bobbing up and down like a bob trying to stay hidden.

"Oooh, and I think it was a mouse's nest,"

"Really Po?"

"Yep, I tried to have a look, but…"

I said helpfully, "Your knickers got stuck in the tunnel?"

She sighed at me like I was Libby's age. Vair Vair annoying. I may have to kill her.

"Anyway, I must dash, Hunky, I have to revise for my German Exam tomorrow,"

And they snogged. I felt like a lesbian pervert. But not as hairy.

_**1 minute later**_

So much for friends.

_**In the Tarts Wardrobe. Again.**_

_**11.00pm**_

I feel like the goosegog extraordinaire. And the heat's melting my make up.

_**2 minutes later**_

Was just wondering around like a clud. I am so full of lonlinosity.

_**1 minute later**_

I will not wonder as lonely as a clud through the 'dance floor' again. I nearly got knocked out by Sven.

Bugger Bugger, ouch. My head hurts like Billy-o. I need some ice. I'll get some frozen peas from the kitchen.

_**5 minutes later**_

Dave was in the kitchen, surprisingly not surrounded by his usual sluts. He actually was surrounded by a million empty beer cans.

Oh dear. A drunk Dave.

_**1 minute later**_

He is not drunk. He is positively absocompletly bladdered. Arrgh, I going to have to get him home.

_**3 minutes later**_

I tried to help Dave the Drunk up and he was sick all over me. Erlack a pongees. How disgusting is that? I tell you, TRÉS disgusting. With nobs. No way am I going to snog him tonight. Well…I wouldn't anyway but it always happens…

"I am sho shorry Gee,"

"It's okay Dave,"

"NO! I am really really shorry, I am shorry,"

_**4 minutes later**_

After about a year of Dave the Drunk saying 'shorry' to me I got him out of the house.

And then he just sat down in the gutter.

"Dave! Eww! Get up,"

"Schleep now,"

He seems to have got Libby's brain now he is drunk.

And that is not good.

I am not jumping over spoons with him.

He was patting the drain like a pillow.

"Dave! Sober up! Think straight! You need to go home!"

"Wha?"

"Wake up!"

He sat up and put his hands on his head, like in the movies when they're trying to remember they're a clone or something.

And he chucked up again.

It is not pleasant.

I will pay him back when he is sober. But I am too full of kindinosity to duff him up will he is drunk.

Then he said, nearly normal, "I love you, Gee,"

"Dave…your drunk,"

"No! I'm not!"

He stood up. Well, wobbled up.

"You don't mean it really,"

"I do! I do! I'm always telling you but you don't believe me! Or maybe you do and your just messing me about! I don't know! But I DO love you! Your all I ever think about! You're the only one I want! I always want to be there for you! I've tried to leave you alone but I can't! I CAN'T! But all you care about are your luuurrve Gods and your sex Gods! But you never think you're my Luuurrve Goddess? You go on about Jelloidosity but don't you think you make me jelloid?"

He was shouting.

He is quite hard to take seriously when covered in sick.

Then he shoved me up against the lamppost. And he is quite strong. Ouch.

"I'm always there for you Gee, when your crying and I'm helping you get the guys that are taking you from ME! How do you think that makes me feel? Can't you see that they're just interested in playing the field when all I want is you? Can't you see that they don't really care about you but every time you tell me you've kissed them or something it tears me to pieces? Because I CARE ABOUT YOU! I LOVE YOU. But you don't care about me, is my heart just something you can rip up for fun and expect to come running back to you? I can't do this anymore Gee,"

He let me go. Oh GoddyGodGod. He was crying. Big, tough Dave was crying. Then I realised. I was too.

"I can't…I can't…I love you but…I can't,"

"Dave?"

"I can't,"

And he ran into the shadows.

Oh God.

What have I done?

_**3 minutes later**_

I think…he loves me.

_**1 minute later**_

Oh in the name of Gods dandruff covered beard, HELP ME

_**3 minutes later**_

It couldn't get any worse than this.

_**5 minutes later**_

It could.

I could see a couple snogging in the street. As I walked passed I saw the guy was…

Tom.

Jas' Tom.

Hunky.

And the girl was not Jas.

**Sorry the chapters take so long to be put up. I really enjoyed writing Dave's yelly bit. Poor old Dave. Infact i've been looking forward to writing this chapter for YONKS!**


	11. It's hungry work being wise

**The best way to have inspirosity is to sit at your desk and half eleven at night chewing hubba bubba. Like I'm doing. Heheh**

**Chapter 11- It's Hungry Work being Wise**

_**Monday June 27**__**th**_

_**Treading not so lightly in the Land of Confusiosity.**_

_**8.50am**_

Rush, Rush pant pant. I am REALLY REALLY late. I don't see how I got to sleep in the first place last night; I am so full of worriosity about the Drunken Dave Fandango.

_**1 minute later**_

And the Tom Fiasco. Should I tell Jas? She'll be heart broken…think of all those voles she'd miss.

_**2 minutes later**_

What do I think about Dave? I don't love him; we're just mates, matie matie mates.

_**1 **__**minute later**_

Mates with benefits. He probably was so drunk he wouldn't remember it anyway.

But he did sober up pretty quick…

_**8.55am**_

I just saw myself in a car mirror. Blimey O'Reilly's novelty under crackers. I am vair vair ugly. And my nose is the size of Dingo-a-go-go land. Still, unless Masimo decides to make a surprise appearance, things will be trés quieto on the boy front.

_**RE**_

Rosie sent a note to the Ace Gang.

_Dear my dear it's_

_I have something vair vair coolio to tell you at break. It is about me accelerating up the snogging scales. _

_Je ne regrette__ rien!_

_Ro-Ro_

Good at least I won't have the third degree from Jas about Dave. I mouthed to Rosie, 'What number?' but she just waggled her hands on top of her head like rabbit ears then flicked her nose. She is sensationally mad.

_**Break**_

We all crowded into the Science Storeroom. Some stupid fool didn't get a decent lock. And that is how we managed to put some scissors in the key hole and twist it. It isn't our fault that we broke the lock and can be with all these 'dangerous chemicals'.

At last the Hitler Youth can't find us.

I said "So, what is this coolio extravaganza?"

Then Rosie said, "Me and Sven got up to number 10!"

We were as agog as two gogs in gog land.

"Non!"

"Oui!"

"What was it like?"

Rosie laughed what she thought was an attractive laugh but actually made you want to call the white coats, "I'll let you find out for yourselves,"

"Did you do it at the party?"

"No! We did it about a week ago- but GUESS what!?"

I said, "Isn't that news enough?"

Then Rosie said something I could not believe. It is unbelievable that is why.

"I'm pregnant!!"

Jas nearly choked to death on her midget gems.

She said "Oh god, are you going to have an abortion?"

Rosie looked at Jas as if she was wearing floresant yellow pants on her head. Which is excessive even for Jas, "Non!"

And she started stroking her tummy, smiling at it.

Vair vair mad.

Jools said, "Does Sven know?"

Rosie said, "Yes, he snogged the milkman when I told him,"

I said, "Ro-Ro, you are only 16; you are on the brink of womanosity and full of youngoisty,"

Rosie said, "It's okay, Sven won't have to go to jail now I'm 16"

Ellen said, "Did you, you know, I mean, you must have, err, you know, it's…err…did you see it?"

What?

Then Jas said, "Didn't you use a condom? Me and Tom ALWAYS use a condom when we do it, an-"

Then she realised what she had said.

And went bright red.

_**5 minutes later**_

It turns out that Jas was actually the winner to the top of the snogging scale. With her unfaithful boyfriend. Merde.

_**Hometime**_

If Tom is waiting at the school gates I may have to kill him.

I haven't told Jas about him and the girl. I don't know how to say it. I would usually ask for Dave's advice but…he…err…might have a hangover. Yes, a hangover. Because nothing happened and we're just good friends.

_**1 minute later**_

Blimey O'Reily's complete set of undies and overs and topsy turvies! Masimo was at the school gate! And I hadn't got any makeup on (apart from on the love bite which STILL hasn't gone). Poo.

But then, as I was hip waggling and hair flicking. Lindsay, the bride of the jellyfish came stick-insecting over to him. He kissed her and she started putting on the spare helmet.

It was horrible.

Jas and Ro-Ro linked arms with me to steer me past him.

Jas said, "He's not worth it,"

Dave said that. Why am I thinking about Dave? But he was right. Masimo doesn't care about me, he's just interested in playing around (oo-er).

I've got to stop this. I will not go back into the rack of Luuurrve.

It was like my body had a mind of it's own, and I unlinked arms with the Ace Gang and walked back over to Masimo and Lindsay.

Lindsay gave me the evil look, "Oh, hasn't mummy come to pick you up? Need a lift?"

What a prize bitch.

Masimo looked gorgy. Down bottom down! I need to stop this once ad for-

"Nnugh,"

Nnugh?

"Ciao, caro, I am, how you say sorry for not giving you my answer with quickness, I-"

"Don't bother, I don't care about you anymore, you're just interested in playing the field. You know your drop dead gorgy and you know that you can pretty much get any girl you want. Well, I can't be bothered to wait for you any longer. Lindsay, you can have him, I hope he sticks with you. Have a nice life,"

Gott in Himmel. What did I say?!

Even Lindsay looked amazed but she was still trying to be attractive. If you call catching flies attractive.

"Caro? I don't understand, I am playing the field? I do like the football but I do not think that is what you mean…"

Then Octopus said, "She's dumped you,"

And she tried to hug him but he just got off the bike and tried to follow me.

"The lovely Georgia is cross?"

"Yes, Georgia be very cross with Masimo, because he is uno prattio, and he needs to learn to speak the English, ciao, je ne regrette rien,"

He looked like he was going to cry.

I may have been a bit too harsh.

The Ace Gang were doing their best impersonation of some fish.

Then Rosie said, "Shame I didn't have any pop corn,"

_**1 minute later**_

Did I just make a complete and utter twat of myself?

_**2 minutes later**_

I think the answer might be yes.

_**5 minutes later**_

I just dumped a luuurrve God. And told him he can't speak English.

_**4.00pm**_

Should I run back begging his forgiveness?

_**2 minutes later**_

Merde. I basically said what Dave said to me. It's his fault.

_**1 minute later**_

He said he loves me.

He said he cared about me.

He said I didn't love him back.

Do I?

_**3 minutes later**_

He is vair vair groovy looking. And he does give me the horn. And entices me into the ways of the red bottom. But do I love him? I don't know.

_**2 minutes later**_

I need some help. Not the psycho sort. I'll phone Jas.

_**4 minutes later**_

No I can't. She probably strangle me with her knickers. I'll phone The Pregnant One.

_**5 minutes later**_

"Ro-Ro"

"Do think Freya is a nice name for a girl? It's a Viking gode-"

"Ro-Ro, I need your help,"

"Really?"

"Yes,"

"Absolutely?"

"Yes,"

"Completely?"

"ROSIE?"

"Ok, Ok, come round,"

_**At Ro-Ro's**_

_**5.00pm**_

I was amazed to find Sven not Svening around. Or snogging Ro-Ro.

Erlack, I've just got a mental picture of Sven and Rosie doing number 10. Erlack. Erlack.

Rosie was in her bedroom reading through Mum's Weekly, "Bonjour, moi petite fule"

"Why are you reading that?"

"Do you think I should breast feed?"

"Eeew, no!"

"It's says-"

Then I blurted out, "Dave was drunk and threw up on me and then he said he loved me but he said he thinks I don't love him then ran into the shadows and I do love him, I think,"

"Was that what this Masimo thing was about?"

"Yes,"

"He threw up on you?"

"Yes,"

"Okay, hang on,"

She walked out then came back in with her beard.

"Rosie…"

"I am the Wise One,"

"Yes, I know, but-"

Then Rosie's mum came in, with a plate of toast.

"Here you go, now your eating for two!"

And walked out.

Gott in Himmel.

_**5.10pm**_

Munching the way through the toast.

I said, "What should I do?"

"Tell, him you love him,"

"He'll probably thin I'm trying to use him for a red herring again,"

Rosie stroked her beard, "Hmm…"

Then she stroked her belly, "Hmm… I think you need to speak his language,"

"Huh?"

"Like for Masimo, you learnt Italian for him,"

"Yes, but Dave is English,"

"I know, I said HIS language,"

"Did you learn Swedish for Sven, then?"

"No, because Sven's language is eating fish and snogging, do you see what I mean?"

"No,"

"You have to talk to boys in a way that they communicate naturally, Sven eats a lot of fish so I ate fish too, that is HIS language,"

I said, "This is confusing, why can't boys learn girl language?"

Rosie said (stroking her beard), "Because, child of first water, that means they will have to wear make up, and no one wants that,"

"So what is Dave's language?"

"How does he communicate with you?"

"He just snog attacks me,"

"So that is how you must speak to him,"

"Snog attack him?"

"Yes, Dave is a shameless flirt,"

She's got a point.

"MUM, MORE TOAST, IT'S HUNGRY WORK BEING WISE!"

**Go Georgia, Go Georgia. I really don't like Masimo****, he's too flash. Georgia loves Dave! Yippee!**


	12. Mission: Learn Dave a go go Speak

**Yay! I get to write more Dave/Gee mush! Hehe. Ooh, my poor rats are in shock…they knocked a ladder on top of them selves…oh, wait…nope, they couldn't resist the food at the top, back up the ladder they go.**

**Oooh, I was doing a love meter test (not on the Georgie Nicks Website though) here are the results.**

**Georgia&Robbie: 75**

**Georgia&Masimo: 70**

**Georgia&Dave: 95 honestly!**

* * *

**Chapter 12- Mission: Learn Dave-a-go-go Speak**

_**Thursday June 30t**__**h**_

_**8.12am**_

Met Jas on the hill. I was surprised to see Jas hadn't got her nose in a book. Although her nose does look a lot more squashed and thinner after I shut it in her revision book. Wow, I've just had the flash of the watsit!

_**1 minute later**_

Ouch, Ouch, Buggery Ouch.

"Gee, what the hell are you doing? You look very demented,"

"I'm making my nose thinner,"

"By slamming it in a book?"

"Yes,"

"That's stupid,"

Oh, picky picky.

_**8.30am**_

Got to Stalag 14 on time. I'm sure Hawk-eye nearly had a heart attack,

"Georgia Nicholson!"

What fresh hell?

"Why is your nose bright red?"

May I never slam my nose in books in peace?

_**The Tart's Wardrobe**_

Blimey O'Reily's Trousers. And Merde. Possibly with Poo.

My nose is swollen about twice its size. Thank you Lord Buddha.

_**Blodge**_

We are doing Reproduction in Blodge. Miss Baldwin is droning on about how the baby grows and Rosie is nodding like a loon. Which she is.

She's being so over the top about this baby fiasco.

For example, she's sucking a dummy for it.

Truly insane.

_**1 minute later**_

"Ro-Ro, are we going to initiate Mission: Learn Dave-a-go-go Speak in MacUseless?"

"Talk to Jas, I want to see more babies in the womb,"

"They look more like naked mole rats,"

"I know, they are very adorable,"

_**2 minutes later**_

Eventually Rosie lost interest in pretending to be interested in naked mole rats. Eurgh, I never want to be pregnant.

"What we going to do then?"

"We? It is only you m' wee fule, I shall not be snogging Dave with you, he is a gorgey looking guy and you are a magnificent young ladee but I am simply not interested in having a threesome with you,"

"Rosie, please…"

_**3 minutes later**_

Anyway, the nub and gist of it is that Rosie is going to hide around the corner and I have to report to her when I need help. And she's going to steal fake fur. I don't know why.

_**German**_

Herr Kamyer is most possibly the most ridiculous looking guy on the planet. Particularly because he is wearing knee length plaid shorts. Erlack a pongees, I can see his hairy pale legs. But I am too kind to mention it so I said,

"Erlack a pongeos, Herr Kamyer's legs are so disgusting they should be illegal, they are all ginger and have albinosity about them,"

Rosie said, "I like a bit of hair on a man, when me and Sven got to number 10 I saw that he had blond hair on his-"

Eww, my ears feel like perverts. Luckily, a knock on the door stopped her before she could say WHERE. I think the knock is the FBI to take Herr Kamyer's legs away to be experimented on.

_**5 minutes later**_

Unfortunately Herr Kamyer's legs can stay to leg another day. The knock was made by Hawkeye and she walked in.

"Rosemary Mees, take that ridiculous pacifier out of your mouth,"

Rosie spat the dummy out and it got stuck in Nauseating P Green's hair.

"Georgia Nicholson, I have your first works as an Agony Aunt for the school newspaper,"

I said, "Oooh," because I couldn't think of anything else to say. Everyone was looking at me. Like looking things. Shut up looking! They were all definitely thinking. Thinking, 'Oh God, did we send our problems to that weirdo?'

"They need to be in by Tuesday, don't be stupid on them,"

Me? Stupid? When have you ever known me to be stupid?!

_**The Tarts Wardrobe**_

The whole school is on Foxwood Lad alert. I could barely get a space in the mirror to achieve my Sex-Kittiosity. Even the First Formers are getting dolled up and they're not even in MacUseless.

At least Ellen isn't here and I am free to be a minx.

Jas said, "Why are you all dolled up, Gee?"

I am not telling her about Mission: Learn Dave-a-go-go Speak because she'll probably shove a vole up my bum Oley.

"Everyone knows the old Och-Aye types used to wear make up,"

I didn't ask her why she was 'dolled up' because I know she will make a silly excuse about the fact everyone knows Lady MacUseless types used to wear make up.

_**2.30pm**_

The Foxwood Lads arrived in their usual unruly mob. Uh-Oh, Dave's not at the front leading them. Poo, Merde, he's sulking behind, being Dave the Unlaugh.

Perhaps he's got a hangover?

How long do they take to go?

"Ro-Ro, he's being Dave the Unlaugh,"

"Well, be _Gee_ the Laugh then,"

_**5 minutes later**_

Oh, famous last words. He wasn't being Dave the Unlaugh he was being ranted at for being Dave the Laugh by his teacher and was doing that 'look-down-hands-in-pockets-and-be-quiet-and-hope-they're-leave-you-alone' tactic which is so popular with the vair, vair cool, i.e. me.

I went sauntering passed him with my hip-waggle-hip-waggle-hair-flick thing.

"Oh, hips gone again Gee? Can't get enough of me can you?"

Right. Tongue behind teeth. Nose pulled in (it's gone back down), sexy smile with hint of eastern promise, "No, I can't"

That shocked him.

_**2.45pm**_

This is quite fun actually, I see why Dave keeps doing it. The only down side is that is hard for me to pluck up the couragosity because I am not knob-centred as according to Dave boys are.

But I did this fabby thing, which I think was very brave of me.

I snuck round the corner to tell Rosie, "Ro-Ro, I did this fabby thing,"

Rosie stuck some fake fur on her tummy "Tell, tell,"

"Well he was busy watching Melanie Griffiths juggle,"

"Nunga nunga ogling more like,"

"Yes, indeedio, and I walked passed him, casualosity personified"

"Uh huh,"

"As I walked passed pinched his bum. He jumped about fifty feet in the air and I just carried on walking,"

"Oui,"

"And he knocked a load of scenary over on top of himself,"

Then we laughed like loons on helium (I don't know why).

I think I am becoming fluent in Dave-a-go-go Speak.

_**2 minutes later**_

Ro-Ro said, "Would this be red bottomosity or the particular horn?"

I said, "I don't have red bottomosity anymore, I have a Dave detector,"

And I showed her my luuurrve bite (which I hadn't bothered to cover up because it's started to fade).

"A _Dave Detector?! _"

_**3.00pm**_

Dave is avoiding me. It's really weird because he's being like me and I'm being him. Maybe he's trying to learn Gee-a-go-go speak?

_**2 minutes later**_

Miss Wilson said "Georgia Nicholson, can you go get the box of tights from the store cupboard?"

Bloody Hell! How am I supposed to reach those? They're on the very top shelf.

Hmmm…

I said to Miss Wilson, "It's too high up, I need a hand"

"Oh, err, maybe one of the boys can help,"

I pointed at Dave, "He's not doing anything, miss,"

Luckily she didn't realise he is actually shorter than me.

"You, boy, can you help Miss Nicholson get a box of tight off the shelf?"

He rolled his eyes at me.

_**I speaky the lingo of the Dave!**_

_**1 minute later**_

I felt so nervous and jelloid. But Rosie said that I would have NO chance of getting him if I don't speak Dave-a-go-go speak. He better appreciate this. Dave Detector at the ready.

When we were in the store cupboard he turned around to me. Uh oh, his face was Dave the Unlaughish.

"Georgia, why-"

And I snogged him! I snogged him not him snogging me! I did the snog attack! Me, Georgia Nicholson! I speaky the lingo of the Dave! I even nip libbled him. I was being him! And he was still being me, I could feel him go jelloid, like I do! I made him go jelloid. Hahahahaha! I feel a bit mad.

Now for the piêce de resistance. I moved to his neck. I neck nuzzled first, because I am sex kitty after all. Then I did it. What did he do? It was bite then suck wasn't it?

After I'd finished I looked at him like he looked at me when he pushed me into the bush and then poked his lips and said, "You are my Dave the Laugh and don't forget it,"

Then he realised what I'd done. It was vair vair funny, his eyes went all wide and his hand shot to his neck like a shooty thing. Hahahaha. I think I've completely shocked the watsit and rocked the boat.

"Gee…you haven't…"

"Wear it proudly, Dave," and I walked off. I am a red bottomed minx. With my Dave Detector.

Now he has a Georgia Detector.

_**3 minutes later**_

I've just thought, Dave can't cover his luuurrve bite up with foundation or piggy tails. Hahaha. Oh well.

**Wow, even though I was looking forward to writing that chapter it was HARD. I was trying to get Georgia to sound like Georgia even though she wasn't being Georgia because she was being Dave and the Snog Attacker. And I probably didn't make much sense then. ****Anyway, reviews will be very much appreciated because I am very nervy about this chapter. Most difficult one yet, I think. A big thanks for everyone who's reviewed so far. I love you all! **


	13. Huh? I didn't catch a Word of that

**Oh, I really can't wait until chapters 18-20. Just been writing them in short hand and wrote out the plan again. I have to have a plan or I will get writers block or something and this will never get finished. :(****. Even if I do have exploded lip gloss down my trousers.**

**Oh, I've changed the date of the Mission: Learn Dave-a-go-go speak from Tuesday June 28****th**** to Thursday June 30****th****. Not that it really matters, but just to say. **

* * *

**Chapter 13-****Huh? I didn't catch a word of that/**

_**Saturday 2**__**nd**__** June**_

_**8.00am**_

Bird tweeting, flies flying, and sun shining like a big yellow shining thing. Yesssss!

_**8.05am**_

It's vair vair weird being allowed to think about Dave the Laugh. I keep going to push him to one side but then I remember I can think about him.

_**1 minute later**_

I wonder how he's going to cover up his Gee Detector?

_**2 minutes later**_

If he's going to try to cover it up.

_**1 minute later**_

Hahahaha!

_**5 minutes later**_

I wonder what he's doing now? Shame it's a weekend, I can't practice my Dave-a-go-go Speak.

_**3 minutes later**_

I really want to see him. Which is odd as I usually want to avoid him. Because every time we see each other it usually ends up on number 6. Which is now good.

_**1 minute later**_

It is as ironic as two ironic things that my Hornmeister who introduced me to the wild ways of the General and Cosmic Horn, I now have the Particular Horn for.

_**6 minutes later**_

It feels good to have the Particular Horn back and be Red-Bottomless. The last time I had the particular Horn was when I was stalking Robbie.

_**3 minutes later**_

I can't stalk Dave, can I?

_**5 minutes later**_

I could casually go to his house because…he offered to give me another massage! Yes, he did! What was it that he said? Oh yes, it was "Well, TTFN, my Kittykat of first water, remember to drop in at Dave's Massages any time and free massages for my favourite customer".

Oh I am a genius!

_**2 minute later**_

And the blatantosity of it will be fluent Dave-a-go-go speak!

This is giving me the shivers. I need to do some mad dancing to calm down.

_**Hiding in a Bush**_

_**10.00am**_

I am hiding in a bush because I am waiting for Dave's Elderly loons to bugger off. I am very scared of his Mutti; she's like a female version of my Vati.

I feel really nervy.

_**20 minutes later**_

Still waiting for his Mutti and Vati to leave. Ouch, I've got a twig poking me up the Bum Oley.

I had to steal a lot of my Mutti's clothes to wear to see Dave. He said boys like it simple and what can be more simpler to understand I like him than dressing like a prostitute? You can see the things I must do.

_**11.00am**_

Finally, the Elderly Mad have left the building.

Right, calmy nerves, calmy nerves, breathe, Ohhmmmmmmm.

I rang the door bell. And he answered it. He looked really gorgey and yummy scrumboes.

"Gee?"

"Hi, Dave, can I come in? Thank you," and I just stepped in.

"What you doing here?"

"Well…you said I could drop by anytime and free massages to your favourite customer,"

He smiled his cheeky smile, "Your mad,"

"No, your mad,"

"NO, your mad,"

And it was tickly bears all over again. He wasn't in a strop with me anymore, which was as good as two good things.

We got to the bit when we usually do Number Five and I noticed he had a big hand shaped bruise a cross his cheek.

"Dave, why have you got a hand on your cheek?"

"Oh, that's your fault that is, Gee,"

"Huh?"

"I was seeing Rachel last night and she saw the Luuurrve Bite and slapped me,"

How dare she slap him?

"Apparently I'm a lying, cheating worm and she and her friends are making and anti-Dave campaign against me,"

I said, "What a prize bitch," but I didn't say, "Well, you sorta are,"

He shrugged, "I was going to end it anyway,"

Uh-Oh, he was coming over all Dave the Unlaugh. And I hate that.

So I said, "Come on, wasting a customers time! Tut, tut, I might have to take my business else where,"

He smirked, "I can't have that,"

_**11.15am**_

Dave's gone off to massage oils and some drinks. His rooms really cool, it's not painted, he's just spray painted all over it. I had a bit of a snoop around.

Blimey O'Reily's trousers! He's done some drawings of me. They're vair vair good as well. I didn't know he was a creative type. Which is ok as long as he doesn't go all poetic and write you're the Only Fish in My Sea the remix.

_**2 minutes later**_

Dave's got a boy version of How to Make any twit fall in love with you! By boy I mean for boys not how to make boys luuurrve you because that'll make him gay. And no one wants that.

_**1 minute later**_

It says in here that it is a good idea to make a girl jealous because we are jealous creatures and respond to it better. So that's where the flirting with Ellen came in.

_**30 seconds later**_

It says "If your worried about others mussling in on your territory (honestly, it really says that) then if you are on kissing terms with her give her a love bite because that will keep others away,"

I could not believe it. It was unbelievable that is why.

_**1 minute later**_

I can't believe Dave actually reads this. It's basically the dictionary to Dave-a-go-go Speak. I feel kind of weird that he does things because a book told him to. But then, I do that…

Argh, he's coming up the stairs. I dropped the book down like a droppy thing.

_**11.30am**_

Dave really is brillo pads at massages. He's got loads of the massage oils out again, they smell really nice.

"So what happened after the last massage?"

"My mum went balisticimus, you were there, Kittykat,"

Kittykat! Yay, Dave is back, Dave is back. Yesss.

"No, I mean after,"

"Oh, she won't talk to me, especially after on Sunday night, they found me completely drunk trying to fight a tree,"

Then he looked at me funny.

I don't know why.

_**10 minutes later**_

I feel like I'm going to go to sleep again. Why does this always happen? It's vair vair relaxing, that is why.

Boboland, here I come…

Then Dave sat on me.

"Ouchy ouch, get off, you're going to squash my nungas!"

"Why are you doing this, Gee?"

"What? Saying Ouch?"

"No, why are you being…me?"

Uh-oh, Dave the Unlaugh returns. And I can't run away. Merde.

I shouted "I'm not! Can you please get off me?"

I couldn't see his face or anything, it was horrible, I didn't know what to say.

"So your just messing me about again?"

"No!!"

"Because I can't stand anymore of this,"

"Okay, Okay, I was flirting with you!"

"Huh? So I'm being a red herring again, am I? Because I'll tell you something for free, it was one thing being used for Robbie but something else being a red herring for that Italian homosexualist!"

"Your not a red herring!"

"Well, what am I to you Gee? Because I'd love to know!"

Uh-oh, he sounded vair vair angry. Merde! What can I do?

I suddenly blurted out at two hundred miles an hour , "You got drunk and you told me that you loved me and I then I realised I loved you so I dumped Masimo and Rosie told me that the only way to get you was if I acted like you so I did and gave you a Gee detector and I-I IIoveyou!"

"Huh? I didn't catch a word of that,"

"I…I…I love you,"

**Yay! ****Gee 4 Dave all the way! Yay! I love writing this stuff, I have a big cheesy grin on my face now! :D. THank you for reviews, speed reviewers. Glad to know you liked my last chapter.**


	14. My Lips are going to Outsize my face

**I need to change my summary again because I'm not going to end it how Furry Shorts ends. I should reeeeaaally be revising for my ****Japanese GCSE but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to put it off for one more day…especially since I've got so much Georgia and Dave mush to write. :P. Heheh. At least I'm not going camping like I was going to. Thank you, glorious English Rain! I love you. **

**This chapter is basically the happy mush chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 14- My lips are going to outsize my face**

_**Sunday 3**__**rd**__** June**_

_**9.00am**_

Yessss! I am officially the girlfriend of Dave the Laugh!

_**3 minutes later**_

After I told him I loved him he froze and wouldn't move for ages. Which was bad as he still was on top of me. Oo-er.

"Dave, can you get off me?"

"Oh, yes, well, yes, sorry,"

Had he caught the Ellen Lurgy?

He just sat there watching me as I got my top back on which I'd taken off for the massage. Oh Merde, I think I've killed Dave the Laugh's laughosity. Poo.

I sat down next to him and said, "I'm sorry…"

Then he looked at me, smiling, It was brilliant to see him happy. And suddenly his lips were on mine and he was snogging the living daylight out of me. It was brilliant and fabby beyond belief. He is a truly brilliant kisser. He did the nip libbling thing which turned me into vegetable girl and I went all jelloid. It was good to have him snogging me again rather than me snogging him again.

We snogged for about an hour until we spontaneously collapsed down onto his bed because of exhaustinosity.

Then he looked at me like a looking thing but it was nice not annoying. He is truly gorgey. I think I was wrong about him not being a luuurrve God. Because he is.

Then he said, "So are we going to be official snogging partners?"

And I said, "Yes,"

_**5 minutes later**_

How Fabby is this? I went into the Cake Shop of Luuurrve, had my mouth burnt by a Robbie Éclair, kept being offered a Dave Tart, tried to get an Italian Cakey but then sent it back for a Dave Tart. Yay.

_**1 minute later**_

He's taking me to the cinema tonight. Our first date. Well, our first official, me-not-using-him-as-a-red-herring date.

I must phone Rosie.

_**3 minutes later**_

"Ro-Ro!"

"Bonjour! What are you going to do vis á vis Dave the Laugh on Monday's MacUseless?"

"Me and Dave are officially going out!"

"Non!"

"Yes! We're going on a date tonight,"

"When did this happen?"

"Yesterday, I went over his because he said I could have a massage whenever I wanted to, then he sat on me, so I told him I loved him,"

"Wow,"

"Yes, I know…Ro-Ro, are there any Viking Laugh-Gods?"

"Oo-er,"

"Rosie?"

"There's Loki, he's the trickster God,"

Dave is my Loki. Heheheheh.

_**1 minute later**_

Remind me never to do number 10 with Dave. Apparently Loki had three kids: the Goddess of the Underworld; a wolf and a snake big enough to wrap himself around the world. Ouch. Poor Mrs. Loki.

_**2.00pm**_

Swiss family mad had disappeared off to another Clown Car Convention so I have the housey to my selfy. I need to get ready for my date.

_**2.30pm**_

And I can enjoy a nice bath without the worry of being nagged because of the price of hot water.

_**2.45pm**_

We snogged for hours after I said "Yes". Mostly Number 6 with a bit of 7. It was fabby. I felt like all my insides were melting. Which even though that doesn't sound nice, it is.

The only fly in the ointment is that his mum came back and caught us rolling around on his bed, (Oo-er). After I was called a slut for about a million years and her yelling stuff to Dave about disowning him, I ran for it.

_**6**__**.00pm**_

Half an hour left to go. What should I wear? I'll tell you what I won't wear…make up on my Dave Detector, it can flow wild and free now.

I'll wear a skirt. Denim or Black?

_**1 minute later**_

Denim

_**1 minute later**_

Black

_**1 minute later**_

Denim

_**1 minute later**_

Black

_**1 minute later**_

Denim. No Black. Black it is and it's going to stay that way.

_**6**__**.15pm**_

Stolen mums high heels. I am dressed all in black. With a hint of black. Vair vair full of Sex Kittiosity.

_**6**__**.30pm**_

Walking down to meet Dave. I'm on the edge of a nervy spaz. I'm vair vair nervous. I glad that we are mates as well as Snogging Partners because then I probably won't make a complete and utter prat of myself. Probably not.

_**7**__**.00pm**_

Dave was leaning on the wall outside the cinema. He looks vair vair groovy with nobs (Oo-er) He's dressed in dark colours too, Baggy dark jeans with a belt with all chains and spikes and buckles on it. Trés Cool.

He saw me and said, "Hey, Sex Kitty,"

And he gave me this big bunch of flowers.

He is really sweet. It's like when we went out ages ago…

Then he stroked my neck which gave me the shivers , "You haven't covered it up this time,"

"You haven't either,"

He pretended to be mad with me, "That was very embarrassing Gee because generally boys give girls luuurrve bites not the other way around, I was a laughing stock on Friday,"

"Oh…"

"Doesn't matter though, I've been suspended,"

"Huh?"

He shrugged, "Mark Big Gob was talking about you so I beat him up for you,"

Again?

"What was he saying?"

"Oh, Stuff…"

"So how come it's okay for you to give me a luurrve bite but not the other way around?"

"Because it's more fun for me that way,"

Cheeky Cat.

_**7.30pm**_

Me and Dave just went into the cheapest film. It wasn't like we were actually watching the film. We sat at the back, in the snogger's seats. And snog we did. Yummy Scrumboes.

_**8.30pm**_

We were taking a breather from snogging and were munching on pop corn. Then he looked at me in the dark.

"Sooo, Kittykat, what's all of this Dave ''the Laugh'' business about,"

I didn't want to talk about the red herring fandango. So I said, "Do you remeber at the Fish Party when you said I had to choose, a Sex God or you who you can really have a laugh with?"

"I say a lot of things, most of them I forget because I didn't mean to say them, and that's one that I've forgotten,"

Then he looked at me funny again. Like before. I still don't know why.

_**9.05pm**_

Me and Dave had yet ANOTHER snog fest in the park. If it is true that snogging makes your lips grow, mine are going to outsize my face soon.

It's really odd being able to snog in public. I suppose that's the Particular Horn though. Haha, in your face Jas.

Poo, the Tom Fandango. I've got to tell Jas.

"What's the matter, Kitty Kat?"

"Tom's cheating on Jas,"

"Really? Blimey I underestimated him- oh, yeah, poor Jas,"

"What should I do?"

"Tell her,"

Oh, if girls were only as simple as boys.

**Basically a lot of GeorgiaxDave Drivel. Arrrrgh! I can't wait until chapter 19.**


	15. I think the Tree won the Fight

**Laladidi. I'm on a ****roooooooooollllllllllll. Yippee!**

* * *

**Chapter 15- ****I think the Tree won the Fight**

_**Monday 4**__**th**__** July**_

_**8.10am**_

Met Jas at the top of the hill.

"Blimey, Gee, you look happy,"

"I am!"

"Why?"

"Because badgers aren't going to become extinct!"

"Really?"

"No! Guess who's given up Red Bottomosity?"

"I don't know…"

"Guess!"

"You dumped Dave finally?"

"No! Much better!"

"What?"

"I'm going out with him!"

Jas just looked at me.

_**10 minutes later**_

Still it's official now I've told Radio Jas.

_**1 minute later**_

"Don't you want to know how it happened?"

"No,"

"Aren't you the most incy tincy bit curious?"

"What about Ellen?"

Merde.

_**Physics**_

Herr Kamyer is babbling on about something. I don't know what. I don't think anyone does. Still that's his fault for being German.

It was quite groovy being out with Dave last night. Vair vair groovy but a bit weird. It feels a bit unnatural us being out in the open about everything (Oo-er).

Almost Jas and Tom before Tom became the luuurrve rat.

Blech.

_**3 minutes later**_

That reminds me. I need to tell Jas about Tom. But she is now ignorez vousing me. Which means I've got to tell Ellen. Poo.

_**Break**_

Jools and Rollo have got to number 9! Properly, not her showing him her pants. What was it Dave said? Time waits for no PANTS. Poo, I have a lot of catching up to do.

Then Mabs said, "So, what are you going to do now, Gee, you dumped Masimo,"

Jas looked at me.

Oh God, I had to tell Ellen now.

Ohhmmmmmm.

"Weeeelll…I have news for all of you…"

They were all looking at me like looking things.

"And…err…especially for you Ellen…"

Jools said, "Hurry up,"

"Ellen…don't kill me…I'm going out with Dave the Laugh!"

And I ran off.

_**2 minutes later**_

Hiding from Ellen and being from murdered in the piddly diddly department.

_**5 minutes later**_

Someone came into the Tarts Wardrobe. I hope it isn't the Hitler youth.

"Gee?"

It was Jas.

"No,"

"Can I talk to you?"

"Why aren't you with Ellen?"

"Just come out,"

I unlocked the door and Jas hugged me!

"Gerrof me you lezzy!"

"Gee, well done,"

"Huh?"

"You finally told Ellen!"

"Well…err…Jas…I have something to tell you to,"

"What?"

"Don't hate me…"

"What?"

"Hunky is cheating on you,"

And do you know what Jas did? Started laughing like a loon!

"Yes, whatever, Gee, nice try,"

_**1 minute later**_

At least, Ellen isn't very upset…she doesn't like him anymore because he told her EXACTLY what he thought of her at the party when he was drunk. And it wasn't very nice.

So he is all miney.

_**5.00pm**_

Jas didn't believe me about Tom the Cheat fiasco. Poo, what am I supposed to do?

_**5.12pm**_

Argh, how can I possibly concentrate on my homework (imaginary snogging) if Libby keeps bursting in?

"Now, Ginger watch my bottie dance, sex bum sex bum, poo poo, bum bum,"

Good Grief.

_**6.00pm**_

Phone rung. It was Dave.

"Hey, Sex Kitty"

"Hi,"

"Do you want to come over because it's so boring being suspended?"

"Is your Mutti there?"

"Why?"

"Because she scares me,"

"No…she's out, Dad's home but he will let me get away with murder,"

_**6.30pm**_

On my way to Dave's. Brrr, it's very nippy noodles even though it's July. But that's bloody English weather for you. I can here some loon jogging behind me.

_**1 minute later**_

"Ciao, Georgia," Oh my GiddyGod, It was Masimo! Phoar he was absolutely gorgey. Down red bottom, down!

"I think, I need to, how you say, grovel, I'm sorry for-"

I ran for it. What else could I do?

He jogged after me.

_**2 minutes later**_

Run, run, run. I ran all the way to Dave the Laugh's. I think I managed to lose Masimo. How weird was that? It was Masimo who I had to put down not Dave. Not meaning I've got red bottomosity because Dave is my one and only and Masimo is a jellyfish snogger.

Dave answered the door, "Hey, Sexy- Kittykat? Have you been running? Has someone been chasing you? Because I'll beat them up for you if they have,"

Oh, he has so much concernosity.

I forced a laugh, "No, I was just…I couldn't wait to see you,"

"Flattery gets you nowhere, Sex Kitty…but snogs are a different story,"

Cheeky Cat.

_**30 seconds later**_

We walked through the living room to get some drinks and eats. Dave's dad was asleep on the sofa, with an empty can in his hand and more on the floor.

I said, "I see where your drinking problem comes from, now,"

He said, "I don't have a drinking problem, Kittykat,"

"And you were fighting a tree because…?"

"That was once, and I had the worst hangover ever in the morning and I can't remember a thing about when I was drunk and… I don't like not having control of a situation,"

Oo-er.

Then he gave me yet ANOTHER wierd look.

Then he said, "And also…"

"What?"

"I think the tree won the fight,"

_**5 minutes later**_

Dave's room is a clutter of game disks.

"Do you want to play on of the games with me, Kittykat? Because I've thrashed myself on there about twenty billion times. Told you I was bored,"

"Dave, do you really think Xbox games are a good idea to wow a girl with?"

_**6 minutes later**_

"Gee, it's my go now,"

"Hang on,"

"Gee…"

"Woo! Take that, I beat your high score!"

I think I see why boys are obsessed with game consoles now.

_**2 minutes later**_

In the end Dave pulled the plug out. I think I hurt his masculiniosity beating him on his own games. But alls fair in love's war.

We were drinking our drinks and then Dave did this fabby thing.

He snogged me with an ice cube in his mouth! And then he pushed it with his tongue into my mouth. Which sounds disgusting but it was actually it was vair vair groovy. But I draw the line at Rosie and Sven style snogging with food in the mouth. Because that is as gross as two gross things in a grocery shop. We passed the ice cube to each other until it melted. It was beyond marvy in the land of the beyond-marviosity.

I must add ice cube snogging to the snogging scale.

The snogging scale everyone's beating me on.

Merde.

_**5 minutes later**_

"What's up Sex Kitty, missing the game or something?"

He smirked; I didn't know whether he was talking about the Xbox game or the ice cube thing.

"Everyone is beating me on the snogging scale,"

Poo, did I just say that?

"_The snogging scale?!_"

_**3 minutes later**_

I had to explain the snogging scale to Dave.

He just shook his head and said, "Amazing,"

"Rosie and Jas have both got up to number 10 with their boyfriends,"

"Number 10?"

I turned into Ellen, "Err, you know, the full Monty, err, IT,"

And Dave said, as cool as a cucumber, "You mean shagging,"

"Well, yes and Jools has got to number 9,"

"9?"

"Lower body fondling,"

"Oo-er," Dave shook his head again, "So what number have we got to, Kittykat?"

"Err, well we've definitely got through all the sixes and I think now we're on seven- why am I telling you all this anyway?!"

"Because you can't resist telling me,"

"Huh,"

"I would love to be a girl just to find out about this sort of thing,"

Uh Oh, more transsexual talks.

Then he shrugged, "Still it explains a lot,"

"Huh?"

"Ellen came up to me the other day and asked me what number 11 and 12 were,"

Merde.

_**1 minute later**_

All this snogging scale talk has made me think about Jas. I really need to show her the truth about Hunky the Rat.

Dave said "How's the Jas thing going?"

Did he just read my mind? Freaky Deaky.

"She doesn't believe me,"

"Well…Tom is my mate but I think I know how to catch him out,"

"How?"

He grinned, "What's in it for me?"

"A lot of snogging,"

"That's my girl!" and he patted me on the head. Like a dog or a grandchild.

Vair vair mad.

Then he said, "How about a quick sample now?"

He has a one track mind.

_**9.00pm**_

Any way, the nub and gist of Dave's plan is that we are going to stalk Tom and photograph him if we see him snogging the mysterious girl again. Operation: Anti Luuurrve Rat is on.

* * *

**Wow! Five word document pages filled with Dave and Gee mush and Tom and Jas worries. ****Wow! I've wrote three chapters today. It's very hard to make Dave sound…well Davish when he's being all nice and they're happy. But when I've finished this fanfiction (only six chapters left to write, boo hoo) I might write a heart wrencher for all the aggers lovers. Tatty bye!**


	16. Operation: Anti Luuurrve Rat

**Wowzee, I did a whole three chapters yesterday. I'll try and finish this one but I really do need to do a bit of revision on my Japanese. And finish my English Coursework. At least it's half term.**

* * *

**Chapter 16- ****Operation: Anti Luuurrve Rat**

_**Tuesday June 5**__**th**_

_**9.00am**_

Our much loved revered headmistress Slim is telling us about the wonderful treat coming up (The Disco). Her twenty chins are wobbling with wobblosity. But the only fly in the ointment is that it's a strictly boy free zone. And I'll tell you what I'd rather being doing than watching Herr Kamyer dance…and it begins with S and ends in nogging Dave.

_**2 minutes later**_

Even though it is getting a bit boring now. I don't mean it in a horrible way but I'm not used to snogging the same person every single day. But now Dave's my one and only and I have the particular horn. And that's good.

_**3 minutes later**_

But I don't have a Dave detector any more. It's faded. Which is bad…isn't it?

_**1 minute later**_

He still has a Gee detector. And a great big slap mark across his face. I hate Rachel.

Slapping my Dave.

_**5 minutes**_

Anyway, where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself? Oh, the getting a bit bored scenario. That makes me sound like a bit of a tart. And no one wants that.

Well, if Dave keeps surprising me, like with the ice cube snogging, and then I won't get bored.

_**3 minutes later**_

Which was vair vair groovy. I need to add it to the snogging scale. And I think detectors.

_**4 minutes later**_

Masimo snogs thong wearers anyway.

Arrggh! Why am I thinking about the Italian Handbag lover?! Get out! Get out!

_**1 minute later**_

I bet Masimo wouldn't do anything fun like ice cube snogging. I can't have a laugh with him like I do Dave. With Dave we're mates and snogging partners at the same time. Which is fabby. And I don't get as much stupid brain as I do with Masimo.

But Masimo is gorgey and he is a luuurrve God…

Arggh! Get out of my head! I have my laugh god, Loki Dave without the giant snake bit. I have chosen my Dave the Tart; I will not buy the Italian Cakey.

_**9.20am**_

Merde! I forgot I was supposed to do my Agony Aunt work for today. I was too busy snogging Dave last night to remember it. An excuse, an excuse. Err.

Hawkeye looked at me and said "Yes, Miss Nicholson, what is your excuse?"

"Err…my uncle was taken into hospital and I was visiting him,"

"Every day since Thursday?"

"Yes, miss,"

"I want it in by this Thursday, or you will lose your place in the School Magazine,"

Poo.

_**Blodge**_

I wonder whether Rosie will join me and Dave on Operation: Anti Luuurrve Rat tonight. If me and Dave are left alone to do it, it will probably end up as a snogging fest. Which isn't as bad as you might think.

At least I sit next to her in Blodge, and we're not doing any thing about babies now. Jas is talking to Miss Baldwin about mushroom species or something. She is the queen of the Swotiosity.

"Ro-Ro, me and Dave need your help,"

"Oo-er,"

"Rosie…"

"Why are we whispering?"

"Because I don't want Jas to hear,"

"Why?"

"Because it concerns her and her luuurrve rat of a boyfriend,"

"What?"

"Tom is cheating on Jas, but she doesn't believe me,"

"Non!? Tom's cheating on Jas?!"

"Me and Dave are going to follow him tonight and photograph him to catch him in the act,"

"Oo-er,"

"Stop it,"

"Ok, can I take Sven?"

"No,"

_**10 minutes later**_

It took me about a million years to persuade Rosie not to take Sven. Eventually she understood when I said he was too tall and would attract attention. I think. Also she made me swear that me and Dave wouldn't snog or anything because she'll be goose gog extraordinaire.

"Unless you'll share him,"

I like to think she's joking. That is what I like to think.

_**2 minutes later**_

Ro-Ro had the flash of the watsit! She came up with a brilliant plan for not getting caught. The nub and gist of her plan is that we dress up as chav (so it isn't suspicious were hanging out on the streets) but we have two hoodies and we change so it looks like we're a different group each time. Fabbytastic.

_**Lunch**_

I called a snogging scale update session.

I said, "Boys keep being surprising so we need to update the snogging scale,"

Jools said "What number have you got up to, Gee?"

"Seven,"

Jools said, "With Dave?"

"Yup," I looked at Ellen. Uh Oh, the Green Eyed Monster.

Rosie said, "So what do you want to add?"

"Ice cube snogging at number 6 ⅔"

"What?!"

I had to explain ice cube snogging to them. I couldn't tell whether they were disgusted or agreed it was yummy scrumboes.

Then Rosie said, "Well if your adding ice cube snogging, I want to add food snogging at number 6 ⅓,"

Erlack a pongoes.

I said, "Ok, but I'm not doing that, also we need to add Detectors at number 5 ½,"

Rosie said, "Oh, like your luuurrve bite you showed me?"

Mabs said, "I don't see a luuurrve bite,"

I said, "No, my Dave detector's faded now…but I gave Dave one back in revenge, last Friday,"

Jas muttered, "You are such a tart,"

I ignored her, "Anyone else got anything to add?"

And Jas said, "I'm going on a date with Hunky tonight at five, so I'll let you know if he's does anything new,"

More like if he meets anyone new.

_**3.30pm**_

Rollo and Dave were waiting at the school gates. Phoar, Dave does look gorgeous.

Jas said, "Why's he not in his school uniform?"

I said, "He's suspended,"

"Typical,"

I wanted to throttle her but she s soon to be on the shelf of life again so I resisted. Just.

Rosie said, "Where is his Gee detector?"

I said, "On his neck, where else?"

Rosie started laughing like a very criminally insane person. I don't know why.

When I got up to the gates, Dave gave me a kiss on the cheek and put his arm around my shoulders.

Uh oh, Ellen looked like she wanted to kill me. So much for her not liking him anymore.

"Miss me Kittykat?"

"You betcha, like two betting things in a betting shop,"

His slap-bruise is nearly gone. Which is good.

_**3 minutes later**_

Rosie said, "I'm joining in on the detecting work tonight, by the way, Dave,"

Then she started laughing like a loon. Which she is.

Dave looked trés confused.

Then, when she stopped wetting her knickers she said, "Mabs, on the maths test paper was the answer to b) 5 ½?"

And started laughing her head off again. She is very mad. I think Dave guessed it was something to do with the Gee detector though.

_**3.45pm**_

Just me and Dave now, ambling along. Then he turned around to me and pulled me really close to his face. Our noses were touching. He just looked straight into my eyes. Like he was trying to read my thoughts. If he could he would hear, 'Quit staring and snog me you great big sexy laugh god,' But he didn't.

He said, vair, vair close up, "What was all that 5 ½ stuff about? Is it something to do with this snogging scale thing of yours?"

I lied, "I really don't know,"

He was really, really, close up to me, millimetres apart, my lips started puckering up.

Then he stepped backwards. The tease! "I know you're lying. Bad, bad kittykat,"

I nearly fell over.

To stop him asking questions I said, "Rosie wants to join us on the Operation: Anti Luuurrve Rat tonight, and she has a brilliant plan how not to get spotted,"

_**7.00pm**_

Hiding around by Jas' house, waiting for her to come back from her so called date. I must say, even though I am bit orange, I look fabby as a chav. But on the other hand, Dave looks like a complete and utter prat. But I still love him.

_**5 minutes later**_

Waiting.

_**12 minutes later**_

Sill Waiting.

_**6 minutes later**_

Dave has pretended to fall asleep on my shoulder. Making snoring noises down my ear. He sounds like a great big snoring snog. I mean slug.

_**10 minutes later**_

Jas and Tom alert!

Back from their 'date'.

I feel really sorry for Jas, she doesn't know what her boyfriend is.

And that stood by her door and snogged. Then they would talk, I think about badgers. Then they would snog again.

I would have felt like a lesbian stalker pervert if I didn't know I was standing next to by boyfriend. Who looked like le biggest prat on earth. But I'm too nice to tell him so.

After they snogged for about a year, Jas went inside.

Time to follow him.

**_5 minutes later_**

Tom keeps looking back at us. I think he's realised he's being followed. By yobs. He probably thinks we're going to happy slap him. Which incidently we should.

**_3 minutes later_**

Hid in an alley way and changed the hoodies. Hah, he will never know it's us. Now, to get the photographs.

**_6 minutes later_**

Merde. I think we've lost him.

Rosie said, "I'll run ahead and see if I can find him,"

Leaving me and Dave alone.

He did look like a complete twat dressed up as a chav.

But still vair vair gorgey. I know I promised Rosie I wouldn't snog him because she didn't have Sven but one tiny kiss wouldn't hurt...

**_8 minutes later_**

"Hem, hem,"

Me and Dave jumped apart like two jumping things at a jumping festival.

Uh-oh, Rosie was back. Luckily, she wasn't mad. Well she's mad in the loon way but not in the angry way. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

Dave said, in what I think he thought was a chavvy voice, "That was well good, ma bitch, get in there"

So I said, "You'll be well dead if you talk like that again,"

But I he knows I love him. Because I do. Just him. No one else.

_**10.00pm**_

We have got the photographs!

_**1 minute later**_

We followed him around for about a year. It was full of bordiosity and it was really tempting to say 'sod it' and go back to Dave's.

But Dave kept making me laugh by saying, "Chav 001 to Chav 003, have located target, over and out,"

That shows you how bored I was.

But then Tom came up to a door the other side of town.

And it was answered by one of those blonde bimboey types. And they snogged in the middle of the street.

So Rosie got the camera and took some photos, "I've got the legs for it," she said. But I don't know what legs are to do with it.

Then Tom noticed us, "Oi! What you-"

So we ran for it.

_**11.00pm**_

Tomorrow we are going to break Jas' heart- err…I mean, be good friends to Jas and show her the truth.

**S****orry if this chapter's a bit rushed, but I didn't really have much to say in here, well I did but it only needed snippets. I have written for this fanfic a brilliant total of 65 word document pages in size 10 Arial font. How brill is that?**


	17. I realised he was Covered in Custard

**I had to redo most of that last chapter because I read it back and it was very rushed. So I added bits in. **

**Yippee! I've moved my rats downstairs. They are soooo noisy at night. I can't sleep.**

**Arggh! Chapter 17! Nearly at the chapters I've been looking forward too! Yay!**

* * *

**Chapter 17-Then I realised he was Covered in Custard**

_**Wednesday 5**__**th**__** July**_

_**7.30am**_

Welcome to my life. I am a girl of 16 and what am I doing? I am being crushed to death by my little sister's toys, that is what.

**_1 minute later_**

She is vair vair mad.

_**8.00am**_

The phone rang. It was Dave.

"Hi, Sex Kitty, just phoning to say how much I'm missing you, s'later after school, yeah, to give you the photos, love you, tatty bye,"

Good Grief.

_**English**_

Miss Wilson is quite possibly the most deranged person I have ever met. She was going on about the Swan of Avon and some luuurrve poem he wrote. Luckily it wasn't Thou art the Only Fish-ee in my Sea-eth. Because then I would have screamed.

I said to her, "Did he sing it to you, miss?"

And she said, "No, No, he didn't sing it to me because-"

And Jools said, "Were you being a red bottomed minx, miss? Was he cross with you?"

_**PE**_

There is something vair vair relaxing about smacking a ball around a pitch. And occasionally smacking someone in the leg. Rosie refused point blank to participate.

Miss Stamp, lesbian oberfuhrer said, "Rosie, it's a piping hot day, there is no excuse,"

And Rosie said, "But, I can't risk being hit in the stomach,"

Miss Stamp said, "Rosie, listen every woman has to learn how to deal with her time of the month, I remember when I was young I used to-"

Rosie looked like she was going to die, "Miss, I'm pregnant,"

I thought Miss Stamp was going to choke to death on her moustache.

Shame she didn't.

_**Blodge**_

I said to Rosie as Jas was swotting around, "Dave's giving me the photos tonight, we'll tell Jas later,"

Rosie gave me her cross eyed klingon salute and carried on drawing outfits for her baby.

There was a lot of leather involved. Poor kid.

_**3.30pm**_

Dave was waiting for me again at the school gates. Ellen was giving me dirty looks for some strange reason. She lost the laugh because of her lack of laughiosity. And now he is my laugh. And that is le fact.

"Hey Kittykat,"

Then I realised he was covered in custard.

I didn't ask.

Then I thought, sod it, and I asked anyway.

"Dave, why are you covered in custard?"

He laughed, which was vair vair groovy, "Remember I said Rachel and her mates are making an anti-Dave campaign against me?"

Yes, I do. The bitch.

"Yup,"

"Well…apparently they thought dropping custard in water balloons on me for the top story of a car park was a good idea for revenge"

"Oh,"

"But I don't really care, they could have done a lot worse, it's only custard. If it had been cheese spread then that would have been a different story,"

I looked at Jas, but she had her head in a nature magazine so I said, "Did you get the photos?"

He said, "Yes, here you go, ma'am,"

_**3.40pm**_

The others parted their separate ways along the path of life (Oo-er). Dave and me carried on.

We were just turning the corner and he pushed me into that bush again. I need to complain to the council to have it chopped down. It is vair vair irritating.

But he is a very good snogger.

_**3.5**__**0pm**_

Eventually we got to the bit we go different ways.

After our usual snog fest I said, "Poo, I've got all those problems to answer tonight,"

"What problems, Sex Kitty?"

"I'm the Agony Aunt for the school newspaper,"

"Well when you've done telling Jas, come over to mine and I'll share my Hornmeister advice with you,"

I dithered like two dithering things at a dither shop.

He laughed. "Don't worry, come through the backway, there's a hole in the garden fence, my mum won't know your there,"

Then just as he was walking off I shouted, "Make sure you get the ice cubes ready,"

I don't know why I said that. Maybe it's the inner minx inside me.

_**4.00pm**_

Angus is in luuurrve! Again! With this white fluffy cat. Poor Naomi, try as she might, her bottom antics won't work. Angus is only interested in his fluffy bimbo air-head cat. She is like the Paris Hilton of the cat world.

_**4.30pm**_

Phoned Jas.

She said, "What?"

"Don't say what like that,"

"Like what?"

"Funny,"

"What?"

"Jas,"

"WHAT do you want Gee?"

"Me and Ro-Ro need to speak to you,"

"Gee, Hunky's coming round later,"

"It's urgent,"

"Whatever, be quick,"

_**5.00pm**_

Me and Ro-Ro walked up to Jas's house. I am vair vair nervous. Jas is probably going to kill me.

We rang the bell for Jas. She answered all tarted up for her luuurrve rat. Merde.

_**5.10pm**_

Jas has even more owls from the last time I saw them. And they're all in height order.

She said, in between doing her snogging exercises "Well?"

And I said, "Well…you know what I said and you didn't believe me?"

"No,"

"Well…don't shoot the messenger but-"

Then Rosie burst out with less sympathy than…a cabbage, "Tom's cheating on you,"

And Jas laughed again, "Yeah, right,"

I said, "We have photos to prove it, look,"

"I'm not looking Gee,"

"Look,"

"Gee, Tom wouldn't cheat on me,"

"Look,"

"No, he loves me,"

"LOOK!"

"I won't,"

I shoved them in her face in the end.

She just stared for ages. Then she started to cry.

_**5.30 pm**_

I had to listen to 'Oh why,' and 'Oh how' and 'Did all those voles mean nothing to him' for the last twenty minutes. I may have to kill myself.

Jas is devastated.

Rosie said, "It's okay, Jas,"

Jas said, "It isn't, didn't when we found the rabbit burrow mean anything to him? How could he?"

Then Jas' mum called upstairs, "Jas! Tom's here, she's up in her room,"

Jas shot up like a shooting thing and said, "Hide!"

And she quickly mopped herself up.

Tom came in. Oh, I hate him so much. Poor Jas.

"Hey, Po," and he sat down next to her.

"Hi, Hunky,"

Eurrgh! I feel like I'm watching some sort of happy families.

Wasn't she going to dump him?

Uh oh. They're going to snog. I can't watch.

_**10 minutes later**_

Wow! Blimey O'Reily's Trousers! Fabby with nobs!

Jas and the Luuurrve Rat were about to snog when just as they were touching noses and Jas slapped him. Properly, full on. It was amazing.

He yelled, "Why did you do that?!"

She shouted, "Look at the photo's Tom!"

"Oh, poo,"

Then Jas slapped him again, "Get out,"

"FINE THEN!"

And he ran out the house.

Me and Rosie burst out the wardrobe like two bursting things…needing the toilet and hugged Jas.

Wow.

_**6.30pm**_

Me and Rosie spent ages looking after Jas. I am such a good friend. But I won't be a very good girlfriend if I stay here much longer.

"Err…I need to go…I've got some homework to do,"

Rosie smirked, "Sure, Gee,"

Even Jas smiled a bit. She's cheering up. A little.

_**6.45pm**_

How ironic. Jas is on the shelf of life and I'm in a proper relationship. I'm even doing homework with my boyfriend, for God's sake! I love Dave and he loves me. What could be simpler? Because he is my one and-

"Ciao, Georgia, please don't run,"

Oh Giddy God's aunt! It was Masimo. Phoar, he is gorgeous personified. No! Girdy loins, girdy loins.

"Georgia, I am sorry for, how you say, playing the field, but I now have the answer to your question, and yes, I would like to be your proper boyfriend,"

Three weeks too buggering late!

Oh my God, Oh my God, what do I do? What do I do?

I run, that's what.

_**7.10pm**_

I feel really really nervy. I am vair scared of Dave's mutti. I snuck through the hole in his garden fence. I felt like a burglar or something.

"Gee!"

It was Dave.

"How am I getting in?"

"Climb up the tree,"

If he thinks I'm climbing up a bloody tree he's got another thing coming.

_**7.30pm**_

Ouchy Ouch Ouch. I think I might have a twig stuck up my bum Oley.

Finally I managed to climb up the tree and Dave pulled me in through his window.

"Hey Sex Kitty," Dave said, kissing me really gently, "Been running again? God, I know I'm very sexy but you don't need to flatter me,"

Cheeky Cat.

I can't tell him about Masimo though can I? But it doesn't matter does it, because Dave is my boyfriend and I love him. And just him.

That's that.

_**2 minutes later**_

Dave said, "You look a bit down, Kittykat,"

I said, "Nguuuur,"

Because what can I say?

Then Dave smirked. "I know what it is, ice cubes, yes?"

And he went of to fetch them.

Good Grief.

_**5 minutes later**_

Three weeks ago I would have been leaping over spoons that Masimo said yes. Why does everything come to me too late or too early? Why is Big G punishing me. Why?

I love Dave but it is getting a bit…dull…just being me and him. Maybe they both can share m-

"Aaaah!"

"Sssh!"

I need to KILL Dave.

_**1 minute later**_

He tipped an entire plate of ice cubes down the back of my top!

I need to kill him.

"DAVE!"

But he was having a laughing spaz.

"You need some help getting them out, Kittykat?"

"DAVE! What's going on up there!?"

Uh-oh, It was his Mutti.

"Err…nothing, mum, it's just the TV,"

"Well, turn it down!"

He is unbelievable.

_**8.00pm**_

Eventually I managed to get all the ice cubes out of my top and I made Dave help me with my agony aunt stuff. I feel like a complete swot. Erlack.

"So, Hornmeister, what is your answer to somebody who's stressed because the guy she likes won't notice her?"

"Tell her to display the old glaciousity,"

I wrote it down, Dave leant over me and picked up another letter. It gave me the shivers.

He said, "Ok, how about this one, 'Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while now, but the problem is he's too perfect, he's always getting me flowers, and taking me places and is OBSESSED with me, it's really annoying, what should I do?' "

God, tell her I know how she feels.

* * *

**Uh-oh. I think Georgia might have heard the call of the General horn again. Next chapters are the ones I've been looking forward to writing! ****Yay! **

**Oh, and I've only just got what's with the Blimey O'reily stuff. It's supposed to sound like Blimey. Oh Really? ****God, I am SLOW!**


	18. Did you Really go to a Male Prostitute?

**Rosai-gryffindor****, don't worry. This fan fiction isn't meant to be much of a heart wrencher. (My next one will be that). But I can't say much more or I'll give away the plot. And no one (especially me) wants that.**

**Yay! I've got my favourite three chapters coming up now!**

* * *

**Chapter 18- Did you Really go to a Male Prostitute?**

_**Friday 7**__**th**__** July**_

_**Lunch**_

It's like hysteria here. All the year is jumping up and down because of the End of Exams disco tonight. Even Jas has cheered up enough to discuss outfits. I hope I'm not going to have another Dither Spaz on what to wear.

_**3 minutes later**_

Actually, what _am_ I going to wear?

_**3.30pm**_

Dave was waiting for me at the school gates. Again. But that's ok because I love him. I do.

And he wasn't covered in custard this time.

He grinned and said, "Hey, Kittykat, you coming over to mine again, tonight?"

I said, "I can't, the school disco is on tonight, and we've got some Viking inferno to practice,"

He looked a bit disappointed, Then he suddenly smiled and said, "Can I come?"

"Dave, it's an all girls disco,"

Then he said, "I'll be there, you'll see,"

And he ran off. I have accidentally got un weirdo for a boyfriend.

_**4.30pm**_

Jazzy Spazzy came over to mine to get ready for the disco. She's cheered up a lot quicker than I thought she would. Maybe she was getting bored with being in a couple. She and Tom were practically married.

Eurrgg.

I really don't know what to wear.

"Should I wear Jeans?"

"Too plain,"

"Mini skirt?"

"Too tarty,"

"Floresant pink top?"

Jas just looked at me like I was mad.

Which I am.

_**10 minutes later**_

Door bell rang. As usual no one would get off their bums to get it so I had to trail all the way down.

It was Dave. And he was wearing a blonde curly wig.

"Dave?"

"Hey sex kitty,

And he walked in and went up to my room.

"Dave-"

"Eeeeeeeeeek!"

I hadn't told him Jas was getting changed in my room.

_**2 minutes later**_

"What's with the blonde wig?"

Dave poked my nose. I wish he wouldn't. It makes me wonder whether he's thinking, 'Cor, what a gigantibus conk!' or thinks it's cute.

"I said I wanted to come to the disco with you,"

"Yes,"

"But you said it was only for girls,"

"Yes,"

"Soooo, you're going to dress me up as a girl,"

Uh Oh. I have accidentally got a transvestite for a boyfriend.

_**1 minute later**_

But he is a laugh though.

_**5.00pm**_

We dressed Dave up in some of my clothes. A yellow top with a butterfly on it and one of my mini skirts. And then we put a couple of potatoes down his top to look like nunga nungas.

That was his idea.

He is vair vair criminally insane.

But very funny. I nearly split my tights laughing when he was trying to make his voice all girly.

We have decided that he's not going to speak.

_**3 minutes later**_

I think Jas has calmed down about him seeing her in the nuddy pants. She's styling his wig and I'm doing his make up.

He has quite long eye lashes for a boy.

_**5.30pm**_

Hahahahahahahahaha!

You wouldn't be able to tell whether Dave was male or female. It is actually quite funny. Especially when he was pretending to pout in the mirror.

He is such a laugh. And that is why I love him. Which I do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Because they are lying.

_**7.00pm**_

Vati's driving us to the disco. He doesn't have a clue that it is Dave who is 'my new friend'. Which is ironic if you think about it. Seeing as he himself is no stranger to transvestism.

_**2 minutes later**_

The plan is that Dave is going to pretend to be my (very quiet) cousin called Davina to my friends.

And 'the new girl' to the teachers.

_**7**__** minutes later**_

Had to spend ages teaching Dave how to walk in high heels. He still walks like a duck.

He said, "I could get used to this,"

I said, "You better not,"

_**7.10pm**_

Miss Wilson is incharge of the bouncer situation. Which I personally think is the best piece of hilariousity I've had since…we were dressing up Dave.

Uh-Oh, she was ticking us all off on the register.

"Err, Jasmine, yes, Georgia, yes…err…who are you dear?"

Before Dave could give himself away by speaking I said, "She's Davina miss, she's new,"

Luckily, Miss Wilson said, "Oh, I'm so sorry dear, you obviously haven't gone onto the register yet,"

And let him in!

_**7.20pm**_

Found the rest of the Ace Gang in the middle of the dance floor doing Lets go down to the Disco.

Jools said, "Hey, Gee, Jas…who's that,"

I said, as cool as a cucumber, "That's my cousin Davina,"

Luckily they didn't put two and two together.

_**7.30pm**_

Dancing the Viking Disco inferno dance. Dave looks very funny trying to stay upright on the high heels. Only me and Jas know Davina is actually Dave.

In the madnosity of the situation I shouted, "You can tak' our lives but you cannot tak' our freedom!"

I don't know why.

_**Tart's Wardrobe**_

_**8.00pm**_

Re-applying make up after dancing.

Dave whispered to me, "You girls are very very vain,"

Then Jools said, "Me and Rollo nearly got up to number 10 last night,"

I said, "Non?!"

Mabs said, "Why didn't you?"

Ellen said, "Did he, err, you know, he could have, err, yes, well,"

We all looked at her.

Jools said, "Yes, we nearly did but…his mutti walked in on us,"

Rosie said, "Oh my giddy god,"

Jools said quietly, "I don't know whether he'd want to get up to number 10 with ever again,"

Jas said, "If he loves you then he would,"

Rosie said, "Have you got yourself a proper boyfriend yet, Mabs?"

Mabs said, "No, I'm still practicing on them,"

I said, "That's very tarty,"

And Mabs said, "Well you went to the whelk boy/male prostitute, Gee,"

Dave looked like he couldn't believe his ears. Still, he said he wanted to find out all this girly stuff.

Jools said, "Rosie have you and Sven done number 10 again yet,"

Rosie said, "Yes, he is a sexy man beast and I can't keep him off me, when we do, he-"

I said, "Rosie, please don't tell us anything,"

Rosie said, "Have you got any further than seven with Dave yet, Gee?"

And Mabs said, "Have you done anymore ice cube snogging?"

And Jools said, "What about the infamous nip-libbling?"

Jas looked the other way so they couldn't see her laughing. She is defiantly over Tom.

I said, "Hahahahahahaha,"

That seemed to satisfy them.

_**5 minutes later**_

As I was getting some snacks from the table, Dave came up to me.

He said, quietly, "I dunno, girls get mad at boys boasting but you girls are just as bad,"

I said, "You wanted find out,"

He said, "Girl world is very scary…did you really go to a male prostitute?"

I said, "Oooh, look Elvis is twisting again,"

_**10.00pm**_

Me and Dave said "Tatty bye," to the ace gang and he with me.

He said, "Ouch, how can you girls stand walking in these shoes?"

I told him about the shoe feet incident.

He said, "You're mad,"

I said, "No you're mad,"

And it was the old tickly bears then number five fiasco.

When he finally let go of my face, I saw nauseating P Green staring at me from the other side of the road.

Uh-Oh, here come all the lezzy rumours again.

_**10 minutes later**_

Me and Dave the Drag Queen finally came to the bit when we go different ways. He is vair vair funny. I can't imagine Masimo dressing up as a girl. Though according to Dave he already does.

I took a short cut through the alley way from Partridge Lane.

"Hey, Gee, show us your nunga's,"

Oh merde. It was Mark Big Gob and the blunder boys. I can't believe I ever went out with him. He is the most chavviest and thickest guy in town.

I walked past and ignored him.

"Oi, Gee, come back here, you can't go past us dressed like that then expect to leave us,"

I carried on walking.

Then I felt someone grab me from behind.

It was Mark Big Gob.

I shouted "Get off me!" I hate him, I hate him, why can't he go and molest some midget?

And then he pushed me against the wall. All his mates were laughing.

"Get off me!"

Then he shoved his hand down my skirt. Oh my god, number 9. No way am I getting to number 9 with that creep.

"GET OFF ME!"

He smirked, "You were asking for it,"

Oh my Giddy God…he wasn't going to, was he?

"GET OFF ME!"

_**30 seconds later**_

"Get off her!"

Blimey O'Reily's Trousers! It was Dave! He'd come to save me! I love him, I love him!

Even if he was still dressed like a girl.

Mark Big Gob said, "Oh, another girl to join in, Carl you can have her,"

Dave realised he was still in drag so he pulled his wig off.

Mark Big Gob and his lardy lads nearly wet themselves.

Dave ran up to us and punched Mark Big Gob straight in the face. He fell over but all the other blunder boys started attacking Dave. And there were about 8 of them. And one Dave.

I couldn't see much but it was in the dark but I could see Dave getting tossed around, against the alley wall and thrown on the floor. Then I realised I was screaming.

Then I saw it.

One of them had a knife.

_**3 minutes later**_

Oh wow! Fabbity Fab as two fabby things in fabland!

The Blunder Boy with the knife tried to stab Dave but he managed to wrestle it out of his hand, Then he shouted, "I have a knife and I'm not afraid to use it,"

And all the Blunder boys backed off.

Mark Big Gob said, "C'mon, it's not worth it,"

And they walked off. Just like that.

The only fly in the ointment is that Dave is completely beaten up. But at least they didn't stab him. I love him, I love him.

_**1 minute later**_

Dave tried to stand up but he just fell back against the wall.

I said, "Should I call an ambulance?"

And he said, "I'm not going into bloody hospital,"

He should though.

He said, "You'd better appreciate that; my rep's going to be in tatters now,"

I helped him stand up, "I said, I don't know, with all those trees you've been fighting, you'd think they'd be a piece of cake,"

And he grinned at me, "Yeah- Ouch!"

I put his arm around my shoulder to help him, "I'll take you back to mine, it's closer,"

_**10 minutes later**_

Knocked the door of my house and my mutti answered it, in her most revealing top. Poor Dave.

She looked at Dave and said, "Oh my God, what happened to you?"

I said, "He's been…beaten up; I can't let him walk home on his own,"

I'm not going to tell her I was nearly raped.

Poor Dave, I could see in the light he was all bruised and beaten up like a bruised and beaten up thing.

She said, "I won't ask about the clothes,"

**Ohhhh, poor old Dave. He got beat up protecting Georgia. He's so nice to her. And that is why everyone loves him. Heh, the bestest bestest chapter next.**


	19. A Dave Detector? !

**Yay! My favourite chapter! I don't know why it's my favourite but I think it's because I was planning for ages…I got the whole thing written down in short hand somewhere. **

* * *

**Chapter 19- A Dave Detector?!**

_**Friday 7**__**th**__** July**_

_**10.30pm**_

Mutti said she'd patch Dave up. But I really don't know how she can 'patch' him up with two bandages and a cat poo. Because that was what was in the first aid box last time I looked. Even Libby wanted to help, she's found a toy nurse box from somewhere and insists she's 'Dockor LibLibs'.

"Libby…I don't think Dave needs Doctor Libby to help him,"

"Bad boy! Now takes your naaaiiice medicine,"

Poor Dave. I think he's going to be in an even worst state by the time Libby's finished with him.

_**2 minutes later**_

In the end I managed to distract Libby by telling her that Angus needed brain surgery. He'll come to forgive me. One day.

_**6 minutes later**_

Hell's Bells. And Wow. Mutti actually said Dave could stay over because he looks 'beaten to death'. But he doesn't to me. He looks more like a plaster and bandage monster from the deep.

_**2 minutes later**_

Where did all those plasters come from?

_**5 minutes later**_

But anyway, the nub and gist of it is that Mum's going to set up the old camp bed in my room. Which is where the 'hell's bells' bit comes from. Normally, I'm not trusted to be alone in my room with a boy for five minutes. Let alone a night. Oo-er.

_**6 minutes later**_

I can't believe he saved me like that. Vair vair brave. Stupid, but brave. He could have got himself killed. I can't imagine Masimo doing that. He'll be too bothered about mucking up his hair.

How could I ever doubt my deep luuurrvosity for Dave? He's just sitting on my bed next to me, watching me write. He is vair vair gorgeous.

"Is that your diary, Kittykat?"

Uh-Oh, he's grinning. Stop grinning like a mad grinning thing! It's private.

"Can I read it?"

Don't look at me like that. Puppy dog eyes. With a black eye.

"Nnnuggh"

He smirked, "I'll take that as a yes,"

_**20 minutes later**_

I am so humiliated.

_**1 minute later**_

He took my diary off me and read it! It was so embarrassing. I could have died.

He flicked through until he found the Roller-skating and Massage bit.

He said, "Is there a lot about me in there then?"

Well you could say that.

He grinned again, "It's like reading, 'This is your Life', or something,"

Then he turned the pages and he got to the bit where he pushed me in the bush and gave me the Dave Detector, "Oh, I've got to read this bit, was I good?"

Cheeky Cat.

Then he looked at me and said, "Fangs, Gee? I'll have to remember that," Oh the Shame!

Then he flicked through again, "Masimo drivel, Masimo drivel, oh! What's this, 'Stupid Dave. Why does he keep popping up. Oo-er' ?"

I could have quite easily jumped out of my bedroom window. But I didn't.

He smirked, "Don't flatter yourself, love,"

It's not my fault that I was taken over by red bottomosity and joie de watsit at the time was it?

"Masimo, Masimo, Ah! The Party,"

I looked over to see which bit he was reading, it was the daisy fiasco.

"That was very embarrassing, Dave"

He winked. "Shouldn't have come as a daisy…You've written down when I was drunk… I need to read this because I know I said something, but I can't remember what- Oh, I'm sorry I threw up on you, guess I needed the pea and carrot department,"

Nice imagery.

"Oh, I made a big long speechy thing, ok, I'll read it out again, hem, hem, I do! I do! I'm always telling you but you don't believe me! Or maybe you do and you're just messing me about! I don't know! But I DO love you! You're all I ever think about! You're the only one I want! I always want to be there for you! I've tried to leave you alone but I can't! I CAN'T! But all you care about are your luuurrve Gods and your sex Gods! But you never think you're my Luuurrve Goddess? You go on about Jelloidosity but don't you think you make me jelloid? I'm always there for you Gee, when you're crying and I'm helping you get the guys that are taking you from ME! How do you think that makes me feel? Can't you see that they're just interested in playing the field when all I want is you? Can't you see that they don't really care about you but every time you tell me you've kis- Gee are you Ok?"

I don't know why but hearing that speech again made me want to blub. It made me feel really bad for thinking of Masimo when me and Dave were going out.

He put his arm around me and said, "Heeey, it's ok,"

"I just…don't like hearing it,"

"Don't you think that I realised that from all the other times I tried to tell you?" but he smiled, "Anyway, I thought I'd said something A LOT worse…well worse for me,"

I wonder what? Maybe it's what those funny looks were about?

He carried on going through the diary, laughing every so often, "Seriously Gee, you should get this published- Wait!? Rosie's pregnant!?"

I said, "Yup,"

"Wow. Sooo, it was her idea the watsit called…Learn Dave-a-go-go speak?"

"Uh-huh,"

He shook his head like a disbelieving thing on disbelivinosity tablets, "What you girls think about…"

I plucked up all my couragosity and said, "Why did you go in a strop at MacUseless though?"

"I thought you were messing me about again and…err…I like to be in charge of our secret snogs,"

Oo-er. Though they're not so secret anymore.

"I did not jump 50 feet! And I only knocked a bit of scenery on top of myself,"

"Yes, if you call the entire lot of the castle scenery a _bit_,"

He changed the subject quickly.

"Oo-er, as you would say, the storeroom bit, I'll read this out – 'When we were in the store cupboard he turned around to me. Uh oh, his face was Dave the Unlaughish. 'Georgia, why-' And I snogged him! I snogged him not him snogging me! I did the snog attack! Me, Georgia Nicholson! I speaky the lingo of the Dave! I even nip libbled him- What's with all this nip libbling?-. I was being him! And he was still being me, I could feel him go jelloid, like I do! I made him go jelloid. Hahahahaha! I feel a bit mad- Kittykat, you ARE mad- Now for the piêce de resistance. I moved to his neck. I neck nuzzled first, because I am sex kitty after all. Then I did it. What did he do? It was bite then suck wasn't it? –Do you have any idea how bad that sounds to a rudey dudey mind like mine?- After I'd finished I looked at him like he looked at me when he pushed me into the bush and then poked his lips and said, 'You are my Dave the Laugh and don't forget it,' Then he realised what I'd done. It was vair vair funny, his eyes went all wide and his hand shot to his neck like a shooty thing. Hahahaha. I think I've completely shocked the watsit and rocked the boat. 'Gee…you haven't…' 'Wear it proudly, Dave,' and I walked off. I am a red bottomed minx. With my Dave Detector,"

Then he looked at me like I was mad.

"_A Dave Detector?!_"

Uh-oh, "Um…errr…it's err…a you know…luuurrve bite,"

Gott in Himmel, I turned into Ellen.

He laughed, "What goes through your head?"

You don't want to know, Mr. Laughylaugh.

Then he looked straight into my eyes. With that nice-but-naughty, pre-snogging look.

He said, "Shame it's faded,"

Then he did it again! He went straight for my neck again, the front part like he'd said he would ages ago. Luckily I wasn't thinking about fangs this time because I would have batty again. ARGH!! Brain! Shut up! Hahahahaha. I am going mad. I knew exactly what he was doing this time but I didn't stop him because I felt sorry for him getting beaten up, and I loved him and…it's was quite fabby.

_**8 minutes later**_

Mutti suddenly burst into my room and me and Dave jumped apart like jumping things at a jumping shop. He is vair quick for an injured person. Mutti's nungas are not small. If one of us had been stood near the door we could have been very easily knocked out.

She said, "I can't find the camp bed, I think Uncle Eddie's still got it,"

And I said, helpfully, "Oh, that's ok, he can share with me,"

And they both looked at me.

Then I realised how that must have sounded. Even Dave looked shocked.

I said, "Err…I mean,"

And Mutti sighed and said, "Well, I suppose you are nearly grown up and as long as there is no business in _that _department,"

And she gave both me and Dave a 'the birds and the bees' talk. I was mortified.

I went off to the bathroom pretty sharpish to cleanse, tone and moisturise.

_**10 minutes later**_

"KittyKat are you finished in the bathroom yet?"

_**Half an hour later**_

"Gee?!"

_**Midnight**_

I don't think boys quite understand that girls need and hour or so in the bathroom to make sure we look nice the next day. We do it all for them. They only take about five minutes. It's ridiculous.

_**5 minutes later**_

See I told you, only five minutes. All he's done is have a shower, he hasn't even taken off all his drag queen slap.

He winked and said "Hey, Kittykat," and sat in the bed down next to me.

I said, "Dave, you haven't taken your make up off,"

He said, "Am I supposed to?"

"Well, yes if you don't want me to dump you for being Spotty Norman's look alike,"

I got a facial wipe out of the packet and helped him take it off. He'd be vair vair lost without me. Like a lost thing in the Lost Lands.

_**2 minutes later**_

Gott in Himmel, how much foundation did I put on him?

_**6 minutes later**_

He's looking at me like a looking eye dog. It's very distracting. Then he kissed me.

_**1am **_

Blimey O'Reily's Trousers and naff cardigan! Me and Dave nearly got up to number 10.

_**3 minutes later**_

We were snogging for ages and then somehow we ended up lying down. I can't really remember much. I was thinking, 'Yessss, I'll be back up the top of the snogging scale again,' but I was vair vair nervy and on the edge of a F.T.

But when he started pulling down my Jimmy Jams bottoms I said, "I don't think I'm ready,"

Why did I say that? I need to get to the top of the snogging scale! I'm gang leader and everyone's beating me!

Then I thought, oh Giddy God, have I just ruined everything? Because everyone says the 'bees' are just interested in one thing.

I said, "I'm sorry,"

Then he said, "No, no, it's ok, I…don't think I'm ready yet, I was only doing it because you said you were upset about your mates beating you on the snogging scale,"

He is so nice. And that is why I love him. Lots and lots and lots.

_**2.30am**_

"Gingey! Davey! It's meee!"

And Libby strolled into my room with her entire army of toys.

I said, "Libby, can you go back to boboland in your room?"

And she hit me, "Move over Bad Boy!" and she sat in the middle of Dave and me.

I bet Mutti sent her in to keep an eye on us.

She just kept looking at Dave then looking at me saying "Naaaiiice, Naaaiiice," like she did when Jas was over.

**Yay! I was so looking forward to writing the diary-reading scene.**

**I know the end was a bit iffy and I went a bit back on my word on not writing higher than 7 or 8. But A) they didn't actually do anything in the end and b) I meant I won't write it graphically. Because believe me, when I was doing my random-page-number-close-eyes-and-click-on-random-fanfiction on final fantasy 7 I got pretty scared what some people have wrote. **


	20. She’s way too Plastic for My Liking

****

Hmm…I don't think the family chapter on

**its own quite fitted in with the plot. So sorry for anyone who read it already but I've put it all into one chapter. And not let the family stuff get so deep.**

* * *

**Chapter 20- She's way too Plastic for My Liking**

_**Saturday July 18**__**th**_

_**7.00am**_

"Barbie lobes you very very much,"

"No,"

"Barbie's your new girlyfwend,"

"Libby, please,"

"She wants to do snogglin with you, naughty,"

"Gerrof,"

I woke up to find Libby pinning Dave down trying to get him to snog Scuba Diving Barbie.

"LIBBY! Please leave poor Dave alone,"

"But he laaiikes it,"

"No he doesn't"

"Yes, he does,"

"No, he doesn't

Libby then smiled. I think she thinks it's cute but it makes her look like the demon child. Is it normal to smile with your teeth sticking out like…a mad hedgehog.

She said, "He lobes it,"

In the end I managed to cart her out my room. She is getting vair vair heavy.

I came back with Dave frantically wiping his mouth like a frantic thing on frantic tablets. I don't blame him. Heavens, knows where Scuba Diving Barbie's head's been.

It's probably all this watching Mutti and Vati snogging on the sofa. It's not good for her.

_**2 minutes later**_

I must keep Dave away from Mutti and Vati's elderly snogging episodes at all costs. Because if Vati does his 'calling all vehicles' and grabbing Mutti's nipnips in front of him I may die.

And he will be scarred for life.

_**3 minutes later**_

Dave does look vair vair groovy in the morning. His hairs all messed up over his face and not all gelled like a bog brush which boys seem to think makes them look very attractive.

I told him that, "Dave, your hair looks a lot better like this instead of all gelled up,"

And he said, "It doesn't," And pushed his hands through his hair so it stood up on end. It made him look like a div but I didn't tell him.

Then he said, "Kittykat, you shouldn't wear so much make up, you don't need it,"

Oh, he is very sweet. But a liar.

I only got as far as "You a li-"

And he snogged me! Again! He is a groovy snogger and all but now that's all we ever seem to do when we're alone (Oo-er).

Not that I'm complaining.

Eventually, he pulled back and just looked into my eyes.

And I said, "Don't cheat on me with Scuba Diving Barbie,"

And he said, "She's way too plastic for my liking,"

And we had a spontaneous laughing fit and ended up smacking our heads together. Owww.

"I already have one black eye, Kittykat, please don't give me another one,"

_**Breakfast**_

Gadzooks! Mutti's actually got out of bed and made a proper breakfast! She even has little jugs full of milk to put in our cereals! What is the world coming too?

Vati gave Dave the most evil look I've ever seen in my life. If looks could kill then Dave would be as dead as a dodo. Deader.

Mutti shook her head at Vati and said, "Bob, no,"

Libby was watching Dave like a watcher thing. And she was stroking Scuba Diving Barbie's head like the Godfather or something. Good Grief.

It was quite possibly the most awkward moment I've ever sat through.

Then Dave broke the silence and said, "Are you going to the gig tonight, Kit-err, Gee?"

And I said, "Oh…urr…I don't know…Masimo might be there,"

Dave said, "Oh,"

Poo, he had that disapointiosity about him that really scares me.

What could I say in front of my parents? Certainly not, 'I love you! You are my one and only!'

I said, "Well, it's awkward…and I don't want to be hit with his handbag,"

That cheered him up.

Then Vati had to ruin it by saying, "Have I missed something? What happened to Masimo, I thought you really liked him?"

VATI! I felt like screaming, a) How dare you mention my ex in front of my boyfriend and b) It's none of your business!

I said, "He was just interested in being a player and mucking me around and…I figured out who really cared for me,"

Dave was positively shining.

Vati said, "Euurrgh, I hate to know what you get up to outside, I mean just look at the state of your neck,"

Oh Poo. I'd forgotten Dave had given me a new Dave Detector. We looked at each other nervously.

Then Vati suddenly looked vair vair angry and stared at Dave, "Her neck! You-"

Then Dave said trés quickly indeedio, "She did exactly the same to me, look," and showed his own. It had started fading. It made me feel weird. I don't know why.

Ho hum pigs bum. I think Dave might be scared of my Vati.

Strange Boy.

Then Vati sighed, "I give up, Connie said last night you came in dressed in drag,"

That's when I accidentally snorted my cup of tea everywhere. I bet Dave thought that was attractive. Oh, he didn't see, he's pretending to be very interested in a picture of me as a baby on the wall. But I can see he's laughing behind his hand.

Then Mutti said, "Oh, leave them be Bob, can't you remember what it was like to be young?"

I said, "Oh, look at the time," And I dragged Dave out of the kitchen with me before any elderly snogging could commence.

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave said, "Are you going to walk with me back home, Kittykat?"

I said, "Well, I err,"

Dave said, "You shouldn't make an invalid cripple walk home alone,"

Yeah right. An invalid cripple who can still run up the stairs from Libby and Barbie.

I said, "Well, it's just I'm vair vair scared of your Mutti,"

_**Walking down to Dave's**_

_**8.20pm**_

I said, "How you feeling now, sir invalid?"

Dave said, "Ouch, my mouth still hurts, maybe you could help with that?"

Cheeky Cat.

Dave said to me, "If that's a Dave detector, is this a Gee detector?" He pointed at his luuurrve bite.

"Yes,"

"And can I ask why they are called, 'detectors'?"

"No,"

He stuck his tongue out at me and said, "Meanie,"

I thought the talk at the disco would have scared him off girl talk.

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave's Mutti came raging out like a big rager going off to the rage shop.

"Where in HELL'S name do you think you've been?"

Dave rolled his eyes.

Then she noticed me.

"Oh, I might have guessed, with _her_, your slut of a girlfriend,"

Play the old record. I have a song in my heart. It is called 'You _married _a drunk and you're an unfit mother,'

Hahahahaha.

_**10**__** minutes later**_

Managed to run away. If me and Dave ever get married I'm going to persuade him to let us move far away. Preferably to Australia. Or Mars.

_**10.00am**_

Back at my only Family Mad's house. I am vair vair scared of Dave's Mutti. He has a strange family. Still it makes two of us. But then if he had a normal family he might be a male Jas. And no-one wants that.

_**2 minutes later**_

Erlack a Pongoes.

_**6 minutes later**_

Should I go to the gig tonight? I don't want Masimo to start trying to talk to me.

_**1 minute later**_

I'll go, I'll gird my loins to the summit of girdiosity.

_**5 minutes later**_

What should I wear?

_**7 minutes later**_

Arggh! Why must I go through this every time? I'll wear my boy entrancers. Surely they won't get stuck together again.

_**7.00pm**_

Finally I got ready. Me and the Ace Gang are going to meet at the clock tower.

Now quietly down the stairs so no one knows I'm going.

Hahahaha, I should be a secret watsit…agent.

"Georgia, where are you going?!"

Merde, it was Vati.

I said, with all the politnosity I could muster, "To a gig,"

"Who with?"

"The Ace Gang,"

"And that boy?"

"Well, yes,"

"Then you're not going,"

I couldn't believe he could be so unreasonable. He is such an unreasonable moustachioed on.

"Why not?"

"Just look what he did to your neck!"

I knew I should have covered it up. But I didn't. And look where that got me. Up shi cree with out a pad.

I said, "Vati, do you know why he was here?"

"Because he was beaten up,"

"Do you know why he was beaten up?"

"Because he probably got himself into a fight, I bet that's the kind of boy he is,"

Breathy Breath. I must be prepared to be yelled at to an inch of my life.

"My dearest Vati, I was nearly raped last night and he came to my rescue, he nearly got himself stabbed, but he fought them off me, that is the kind of boy he is"

Vati's mouth dropped open like a droppy thing.

His teeth are not pleasant. It is disturbing for someone as creative as moi.

I made my swift get away.

_**7.30pm**_

Rosie, Jools, Mabs, Jas and Ellen were waiting for me at the clock tower. I was quite amazing. There was no Sven.

I said, "Where's Sven?"

Rosie said, "He's coming later,"

It was just us girls. We did a Viking Bison Disco Inferno dance with a triumphant cry of "HOOOOORRRRNNN!"

The girls are back in town!

Then Jas said, "Tom's going to be at the gig,"

I gave her my nicest it'll-be-ok look.

Jas said, "Georgia, don't look at me like that, you look like you have had a stick suddenly poked up your bum Oley,"

So much for bestest pallies.

Jas said, "I'm going to be a mad party thing so he knows I'm not missing him,"

I said, "Are you missing him?"

"Gee, think about it like this, would you miss Dave if he cheated on you?"

I thought about it. I probably would.

_**2 minutes later**_

Would he miss me if I cheated on him? Not that I would because he is my one and only and I have plighted my troth.

_**1 minute later**_

I said to Jas because she was looking a bit miz, "Oh, look Jas, a little bird!"

And she said to my mucho surpriso, "Shoot it,"

Blimey O'Reily's brain transplant. I have said it once but I will say it again, what is the world coming to?

_**8.00pm**_

Sven was waiting for us to help get us into the gig. It is very stupid they should put an 18 age limit on it. But I probably look 18. Because I am so full of womanosity and vair vair sophis.

He ran up to the bouncers at the front (with us in a strangle hold) and said "My trousers want to do like my nose and boogie, oh ja,"

And walked in.

_**5 minutes later**_

Dave the Laugh was waiting for me at the bar. He looks trés coolio. I haven't been to a gig for ages. It looks brilliant in here.

He brought me a drink and said, "Why did you run away earlier, Kittykat?"

And I said, "Your Mutti really, really scares me,"

_**10 minutes later**_

We are all dancing on the dance floor like dancing things. In a big circle. It is quite funky. I can see Masimo looking at me from the stage. He is vair vair groovy looking. SHUTUP call of the horn. I can't here you horn! Nope, I can't. Ladilalala.

_**Tart's Wardrobe**_

_**3 minutes later**_

I am trés tired. Me and the Ace gang decided we'd turn our big dance circle into a can-can circle. I am vair vair glad I didn't decided to wear a skirt because I may have given someone a seizure. Like Rosie nearly gave me, she was in her shortest skirt.

_**5 minutes later**_

Uh-Oh sound the alarm system! Radio Jas is off the radar. I came back and Mabs said "Is Jas still in the bathroom?"

I said, "No, I thought she was with you,"

_**2 minutes later**_

Typical. Jas has decided to go off to see Tom. Even though he is a luuurrve rat. We were all getting panicinostic and she just pops up out of nowhere and says "Hey, guess what!? Me and Tom are back together,"

Why, I'd never know.

_**7 minutes later**_

Me and Dave the Laugh are taking a breather from dancing. He is a very mad dancer.

He said, "I'll go get you another drink," and he danced his way into the darkness.

Like a loon.

"Ciao,"

OhmyGiddyGodsPyjamas. Masimo was behind me. Again. Can't he just leave me alone? I don't want to have to choose again.

"Belle, no more running, please, I have the answer to your question, and I do wish to be your boyfriend, that is what you wanted, si?"

Poo. What am I supposed to say?

He is the king of gorgiosity. Down red bottom, down.

Then Masimo kissed me. Oh blimey O'Reily's everything's, it was fabby.

"Oh,"

I opened my eyes…and there was Dave, looked quite positively devastated.

I pushed Masimo away, "Dave?"

Then Dave just chucked our drinks on the floor and shouted, "I guess that's my job as a red herring finished then!"

And he stormed off.

Merde. Double poo with knobs.

I needed to make a decision and talk some proper sense, for the first time in my life.

Ok, calmy calmy.

"Get off, your handbag will get jealous!"

So much for sense.

"Caro, what?"

I took a big breath in like a big breathy- arrgh, brain shut up, "Masimo, I'm not interested anymore, I waited too long, cried too much. You never cared about me then; you were too busy with your jellyfish bride. I've found someone who has always been there for me and cares enough to have nearly got himself killed to protect me last night, I've plighted my troth and chosen a Dave Tart over an Italian cakey, the call of the Horn can't tempt me anymore, I have given up red bottomosity for a Dave Detector, because I LOVE him,"

Well done Georgia! I very nearly made sense. A bit on the eccentric side. But it made sense.

"Caro, I don't understand,"

"I don't want you anymore,"

And I walked off.

Everyone was staring.

I need to find Dave.

_**5 minutes later**_

I can't find him

_**2 minutes later**_

Where is he?

_**7 minutes later**_

I can't find Dave anywhere. He probably hates me now. He probably is going to go out with Scuba Diving Barbie.

Oh, poo, I can't see anything now, I'm blubbing.

Someone's sat down next to me. I can't see because of my tears. Why must every always fall apa-

"BOO!"

_**30 seconds later**_

It was Dave!

I said, "I'm so sorry, I-"

And Dave put his hand on my mouth to shut me up. Which is a good idea. Because knowing me, I'll end up rambling for England.

He said, "Don't worry, I heard the whole thing,"

Then he snogged me even though I was crying! It wasn't long enough to be a number 4 but it was fabby with knobs to know he wasn't cross with me.

And then he said, "Kittykat, you can open your eyes,"

And I said, "I think my boy entrancers have got stuck together again,"

* * *

**I have broken my record! 6 word document pages. Woop! Argh…next chapter is the last. I'm going to miss this fanfiction. :(**


	21. I think he tried to swallow them

**Waaaah! The last chapter.**

**I am definitely going to carry on writing fanfiction for Georgie Nicks. I've got quite a few ideas but I only want to write one at a time. I'm thinking about writing Dave's Diary, based on this fanfiction, I'll call it Vegetables, Roller Skating and Georgia the Minx. Or maybe something different. I've already written the first chapter of it to see whether I can write Davish. I'll post it after this chapter and if you think there is much point in me doing it, I'll do it as a proper fanfiction. Obviously I'm going to give it life, not just replace, 'he said' with 'I said' because that'll be pointless. ****After I might carry on with this as in a sequel or I might right a heart wrencher.**

* * *

**Chapter 21- I think he tried to swallow them**

_**Sunday July 19**__**th**_

_**9.00**__**am**_

Ladilaladila. Life's so fabby.

_**2 minutes later**_

Even if Libby has pooed in my room. Happy Happy Happy.

_**5 minutes later**_

I cannot believe it! It is unbelievable that is why! Libby's pooed on my best clothes!

_**1 minute later**_

She is dead when I find her.

_**5 minutes later**_

I've finally told the Italian Stallion where to stick it (Oo-er). I have brought my Dave Tart and eaten it. Not literally because otherwise Dave will be just a pile of crumbs.

_**4 minutes later**_

Dave had to spend about half an hour trying to wrench my eye lids apart after my boy entrancers got stuck together. Again. In the end he took me into the Guy's Tart's Wardrobe to wash them off. I have never been more embarrassed. I am never wearing them again.

_**6 minutes later**_

We are going out again today. He's taking me to a proper restaurant. With proper food and waiters and stuff.

He's sooo nice. I feel all loved up like a lovostic thing on Valentine 's Day.

_**10.00am**_

Vati came up to my room. I wish he'd knock. I'm sure there is a law somewhere about a dad forcing entry into his daughter's bedroom. If there isn't there should be.

"Gee, about what you told me, yesterday…"

Oh dear lord save me. Was he going to be understanding?

"Well…me and your mother were thinking…maybe this Dave guy is alright, would you like to invite him over sometime so we can all…chat?"

Chat?! Hell can freeze over before I take Dave around to 'chat' with my parents.

_**2 minutes later**_

The moustachioed one is so unreasonable. After I told him politely to bugger off he wouldn't give me a five pound note for a new lip gloss. He is so little-badger-on-the-chin-ish.

_**11.20am**_

Phone Rang. It was Jas.

"Hi, Gee, did everything go OK with you and Dave in the end?"

"Yes, yes, yes. Today he's taking me-"

"That's nice, Gee, must dash, me and Tom are going on a ramble,"

And she slammed the phone down on me.

What a caring friend I have.

_**2.00pm**_

I feel actually quite nervy about seeing Dave. With a hint of jelloidosity. Which only usually happens when I'm attached to his mouth

_**2 minutes later**_

Yummy Scrumboes.

_**5 minutes later**_

I must look my tip toppiness. Now what to wear…

_**3.30pm**_

Dither Dither, Spas Spas. Must have my make up done to Sex Kittiosity.

_**5 minutes later**_

Owwww. Poked myself in the eye with the mascara brush. It hurts like billio.

_**1 minute later**_

Looking out the window, waiting for my eye to stop watering.

_**3 minutes later**_

Maybe the world isn't such a big bad place after all. Mr Next-Door's bottom isn't that big. Mr Across-the-Road isn't so mad.

_**1 minute later**_

What the hell is Angus doing? With Naomi _and_ Paris? He's had his Trouser Snake Addendas seen to but he's still having a go. Still it is a lesson to all of us. I don't know what of.

_**4 minutes later**_

Insanity springs to mind.

_**4.00pm**_

Dave was sitting outside the restaurant waiting for me. He had another big bunch of flowers. He is truly the height of sweetosity. And coolosity. He is very groovy looking. And he is all mine for keepsies. Yeesssss. Hahahaha. Uh-Oh, I felt the mad loon brain coming on.

Dumping Masimo properly seems to have brung out the best of me.

_**2 minutes later**_

When I walked up to Dave he didn't say anything. Speechless by my beauty I expect.

I said "Howdy,"

And then he smiled a big wide open smile like a big wide open smile thing.

And he was wearing his plastic fangs.

Giddy God's Godiosity.

He said, in a crappy Transylvanian accent, "I vant to zuck your blood,"

Like a vampire or something.

Then he went for my neck again. I was thinking, 'great, another detector' but he just did neck nibbling. Which was as groovy as two groovy things. And vair vair yummy scrumboes.

Then he said (in his crappy accent) "You aire now ai vampire too," and handed me the flowers and another pair of fangs.

_**7 minutes later**_

The restaurant is amazing. Vair vair posh. It's all painted in chocolate browns and beiges. And all the tables are two seater ones, with candles on them. Trés Sophis.

But I think the Nice-Hostess-Sitting-People thought we were very strange. I don't think she was quite expecting two teenagers wearing plastic fangs, grinning at her like loons on loon tablets.

Dave said, "Ai table forrrr two, pleazzze,"

She looked vair vair confused but led us a table by the window.

Dave said, "Velcome, to zee restaurant,"

He is very mad. But a good laugh.

_**4 minutes later**_

A waitress came over to take our orders.

Dave said, "Can I have a pint of your best blood and a large human steak?" and smiled a fangy smile.

But the waitress didn't get it. She was Waitress the Unlaugh and stared at him like he was mad. Which he is.

He sighed and said, "We will have a spag bol to share please,"

I stared at him.

He said, "What? I am a sucker for the romance,"

_**5 minutes later**_

This is vair vair romantic. But I feel I have to start speaking like someone out of pride and prejudice. And no one wants that.

I'm not speaking. If I do I'll probably say something like, "Oh, I thank-eth you David for this delightful meal, and yonder there is the food a-coming,"

Because I know I would.

Dave isn't saying anything either. He's just watching me and flipping his fangs around in his mouth in a trés lazy and calm way. How can he be so calm? I'm going to have an F.T. closely followed by a nervy B.

_**1 minute later**_

Dave nearly choked to death on his fangs. I think he tried to swallow them or something. All the waiters and waitresses came over and started hitting him on the back with their notepads and trays. It was vair vair embarrassing. Everyone was staring. Shut up staring, stupid starers. We are young, we are foolish and we choke on plastic fangs, Just accept it, Ok?

Then they flew out and landed in some elderly man's wine glass.

Not-so-Nice-Hostess-Sitting-People came running over.

Needless to say, we were kicked out.

_**4.30pm**_

Me and Dave went and sat in the park with a bag of chips from the Chippy. It's all he could afford after the wine glass incident. They made him pay for it. And it was a top quality wine.

He said, "Those fangs were my best friends, I can't believe they chucked them in the bin,"

I poked my tongue out of the middle of my fangs.

He said, "It's a shame because I was going to do the 'nip libbling' in them with you but been as mine are gone you'll have to do it to me,"

He's is such a cheeky cat.

So I snogged him and I did the nip libbling with the fangs. Haha. I am such a minx. I think I made him jelloid again Double Ha with knobs. He was all limp and pressed into me. Would jelloid knickers be jelloid trousers for boys?

He managed to unjelloid himself (which is a skill, believe me I'd pay anything to learn) and he pulled my fangs out with his teeth and snogged me. It was like a snogging fest. And yummy scrumboes and all that jazz.

"Oi! Look out, you two!"

A football came hurtling through the air at us. We sprang apart like springs at a spring festival.

Then this guy came up to collect the football.

I said, "You should really watch where you kick your-"

OhmyGiddyAunt. And phoar. He was gorgey. Possibly with Sex Goddosity.

"…nungh,"

Then Dave slapped me on the bum and said, "This is a bad, bad red bottom giving in to the General Horn so easily, but unfortunately for it, it is all mine,"

I said, "I did not have the General Horn,"

He just laughed. Shut up laughing.

I'll never get the cosmic horn again.

Or the big red bottom.

I have chosen my cake.

And eaten it.

Not literally.

He'll see.

"Watch out! Get off the pitch!"

Phoar…

* * *

**And that is it, I'm afraid. I really hope you liked this fanfiction. It is the first thing I've ever wrote and finished. Which is amazing. ****Thanks everyone who has reviewed. I love you all. Lots and lots.**

**Trampy Mouse**

**Ps. Make sure you read the next chapter which isn't for this fanfiction but is my idea for the next one, like I said in the intro :). I don't know whether it is a good idea or not.**


	22. Authors Note

Authors Note:

**Authors Note:**

**Might not do Dave's Diary throughout the course of this Fanfiction After All. ****Should I leave it up?**** I'm finding it a struggle to write it you see. I know what I want to happen and what I want him to think during various stages but it's really hard stringing it together. **

**I am planning on writing a Georgia's Diary Sequel to this though! And that is the good news.**

**I am also going to use Sims2 to make a video of this Fanfiction and upload to You tube. I will let you know when I've done it. **

**Love you lots!**

**Trampy Mouse**

**PS. I am soooo looking forward to the release of Stop in the Name of Pants!**

**PPS. Ditto the film.**

**Authors Note Revistited**

**I have deleted my version of this fanfiction through Dave's Eyes. But on the plus side I have some very funny bloopers on my Sims 2 movie...The mesh of Gee's dad's feet got stuck on Dave's arm and he started waving him around like an inflatable hammer. It was hilarious. Ellen's Sim is evil...she keeps noogie-ing people.**


End file.
